


Never Forget

by Psyren



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Deaf Tsukishima Kei, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso | Your lie in April, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pianist Iwaizumi, Pianist Kai, Pianist Kuroo Tetsurou, Violinist Tsukishima Kei, Vocalist Akaashi, Vocalist Oikawa, drummer bokuto, musician au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:13:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25281424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psyren/pseuds/Psyren
Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou is a classical pianist who has lost his passion for playing, but not his love for music.Tsukishima Kei is a classical violinist, who's playing is anything but classic.As for the rest of the story, I'll let them tell it.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Suna Rintarou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 52
Kudos: 93





	1. The Moon Rises

"Tetsurou come on!"

Kuroo heaved a deep sigh, pushing his friend's hand off his arm. "No Hajime, Just leave me."

"I have! And all you've done is just mope for the past several weeks." 

Kuroo turned his face back into the couch pillow. "This isn't moping, it's coping." Kuroo blanched as he was suddenly heaved up by Iwaizumi. Despite being a lot shorter than Kuroo, Iwaizumi's strength was no joke, only matched by Kuroo's highschool friend Bokuto. 

Iwaizumi gripped Kuroo's arms to keep the man upright. "Get fucking dressed." He growled before spinning Kuroo around and shoving him towards his bedroom. "We're going out."

Kuroo groaned as he let himself be manhandled. "Out? Really?"

"Yes."

He groaned again, more obnoxiously this time, as Iwaizumi kept him from throwing himself on the bed when they finally arrived. "Where?"

"Tooru has a show and I have two tickets."

"Why did you buy two?" He asked as he watched Iwaizumi rummage through his closet.

"Because I knew you were being a baby and this is to get you out of the house since you can't seem to do it yourself. Put this on."

Kuroo caught the clothes thrown his way. "There's no getting out of this, is there."

"Nope. Now hurry up or you'll be late." 

Kuroo watched as the door all but slammed behind Iwaizumi before turning back to the outfit in his hands. It was the outfit he wore when he did informal performances. The deep red button up shirt and black dress pants crumpled slightly as his fingers clenched around the material. He hadn't worn it in so long. Not since before he stopped being able to hear his own playing. The death of his mother had taken that from him.

Kuroo's mother had passed shortly after he had started breaking out on the classical scene. She was the reason he started playing, and her death was the reason he stopped. He could still hear the music of others, just never his own. Finding it too painful to bear, Kuroo had turned away from music altogether and, as a result, was wasting away. He would've let himself be completely lost to depression and obscurity if it weren't for Iwaizumi always checking up on him, almost annoyingly so. Knowing how persistent the shorter man could be, Kuroo pulled on the familiar outfit with a sigh.

He came out to Iwaizumi checking his phone. Iwaizumi glanced up and put it away. "Ready to go?"

Kuroo lamely shrugged. "Ready as I'll ever be." And for the first time in weeks, Kuroo finally left the building.

***

Kuroo followed Iwaizumi into the theater, drifting behind him. Physically? He was right there. Mentally? He was somewhere _far_ away. Excessive motion in his peripheral vision drew him back to reality as he lifted his head slightly. "Is someone else expecting us?" He murmured, knowing Oikawa was backstage. Kuroo's answer came before Iwaizumi could open his mouth.

"Hey hey hey!"

Startled, Kuroo stood to his full height, eyes wide and mouth agape as Iwaizumi laughed at him.

"Tetsurou! Hajime!"

"Good to see you too Koutarou."

Kuroo was silent, rooted to the spot, as he watched his friend jump the rows of seats separating them and ignoring the glares from the ushers. "Kou..." 

Bokuto grinned and enveloped Kuroo in a bone crushing bear hug, lifting the man off his feet. "It is so good to see you again."

"You too, Kou," Kuroo gasped, inhaling deeply when Bokuto released him and he could actually breathe. 

Bokuto offered Kuroo a soft and sincere expression, starkly contrasting the excitable one he wore moments ago. "Hey," He placed a gentle but firm hand on Kuroo's arm. "I'm really sorry about your mother."

Kuroo's throat tightened even as he forced a smile onto his face. "It's okay. _I'm_ okay. We just gotta move on, right?"

Bokuto shook his head. "It's okay to grieve Tetsu."

Kuroo's smile fell as he shook his, pushing Bokuto's hand off his arm as he had done to Iwaizumi earlier that night. "I'm fine. Cmon, let's just find our seats."

Once the trio was seated, Bokuto picked up the conversation, not keen to wait for the show to start in tense silence. "I'm surprised you came, considering you gave up playing," he started, never one to contain his blatant curiosity.

"Hajime forced me to come."

"Oho??"

Iwaizumi smiled knowingly and nodded. "Oikawa told me about one of his co-stars, and I thought Tetsurou might be more willing to play again if he saw him perform in person."

"Who- Oooohhh _him_." Boktuo grinned and slapped Kuroo's thigh. "You're gonna love this guy, he really is something else. Like, the next best thing if you hadn't quit-"

"Who is this 'guy'?" Kuroo interrupted a bit more sternly than intended, smile wry and tight. "Wait, and why do _you_ know him Bokuto? Why are you even here??"

Iwaizumi and Bokuto shared a small smile. "I was wondering when you were gonna ask."

"Huh?"

"I saw you when you walked in and you looked so depressed man. It was painful to look at. You were so out of it that even after 3 years apart I hardly get any response from you at our unexpected reunion." Kuroo looked away, thankful for the low theatre lighting hiding the flush of shame on his cheeks. "And by unexpected I mean completely expected and orchestrated by Mr Hajime over there."

Kuroo raised an eyebrow at his flatmate. 

"The other lead with Tooru is Keiji."

Kuroo stared at the stage as Bokuto grinned excitedly next to him, thrumming with barely contained pride and excitement. "Keiji's performing here?"

They both nodded. "We thought it would also do you some good to see some old friends. We tried getting Kenma to come too but he's still abroad with Shoyou."

Kuroo shook his head, pressing the heel of his palm to his eyes as they burned with the familiar sensation of suddenly needing to cry. A feeling he'd gotten used to, not that anyone else needed to know that. "No," He said thickly before swallowing and trying again, voice a little steadier now. "No, it's okay. This is," He looked between his friends, looked for words to convey just how profoundly touched he was. He gripped their hands. "Thank you." It was simple but he hoped they could see just how much he meant it, just how much they meant to him. "Really."

"It's okay."

"We've always got you."

"Now shhhh, shut up! Show's starting."

Kuroo quietly laughed at Bokuto, wiping tears that hadn't fallen from his eyes as he sat back, giving the stage his attention as the lights faded to black. 

***

The show was a collaboration one between musicians - vocalists and instrumentalists - and the artists who designed the various set pieces used and also ran the lighting for the show. There were a variety of small scenes and performances that made up the show. The vocalists were of course on stage and the orchestra was set up on the ground below and just in front of the stage. The scene Oikawa and Akaashi were in, as well as this mystery man, was the night's closer.

The curtains rose and the props depicted a winter wasteland, with mountains of snow and trees covered in ice. It was very impressive and Kuroo felt as though he could practically feel the cold. (Retrospectively thinking, they probably would've ramped up the aircon to help with the illusion.) Oikawa and Akaashi stepped onto opposite sides of the stage and the spotlights fell upon them. Kuroo felt his friends tense up either side of him. They really were beautiful people.

A dramatic background drumline over layed by a lilting piano line, followed immediately by Oikawa's rich tenor voice, let Kuroo know the story about to be told was an epic one - narrating the deeds and adventures of heroic or legendary figures or the past history of a nation. The next line saw Akaashi joining in, his voice smooth and higher than Oikawa's, creating a pleasant harmony. Kuroo shivered with a wave of goosebumps passing over his skin as he recognised the piece, the Icelandic song Mundu eftir mér (translated to Never Forget) by Greta Salóme and Jónsi.

The strings came in and Kuroo found his fingers digging into his thighs as he breathed deeply, getting swept up in the first build of the song. Forcing his eyes open he watched Oikawa and Akaashi move around the stage, singing to both each other and the audience. Their chemistry was electrifying. The chorus finished and Oikawa immediately moved into the next verse when there was a sudden violin line distinct from the orchestral strings.

His eyes were drawn to a third spotlight, on top of the mountain away from where Oikawa and Akaashi were performing on the floor of the stage. There he was. The mysterious third man Bokuto and Iwaizumi had been going on about. A man Kuroo recognised as Tsukishima Kei.

Unlike Akaashi and Oikawa who had on costumes to fit the piece, the man was dressed a black tux with a white button up shirt and a black bowtie. Kuroo could just make out the details of his violin and it clearly wasn't standard. A sleek black finish with gold etchings that Kuroo could just make out when the light hit them just right. The violin line finished and Kuroo watched the tall blonde dramatically lower his bow as he bathed in his own spotlight.

Kuroo could no longer hear what Akaashi and Oikawa were singing, focusing on the lethargic way the blonde raised his bow as the drums grew louder, building towards the pre-chorus. Kuroo watched as he begun playing a complex and dynamic solo in the vocal pause. He heard how his playing softened to fit the orchestral violins, blending in so seamlessly that if that spotlight left him, Kuroo was sure he would have disappeared. The music climaxed only to abruptly stop right before the chorus. 

Kuroo turned his gaze back to the two vocalists, watching them interact with one another, so enraptured by the acting that the slow and subtle building of the drums almost caught him off guard, before they launched back into the chorus. 

That's when Tsukishima's violin returned. Its high notes floating above the rest of the musicians, commanding the attention of the audience even as he played with his eyes closed, as he played for himself. Kuroo felt another wave of goosebumps but this time they stayed. He watched the way the man played with his body, his instrument truly an extension of himself as he left every possibly emotion on that stage.

Kuroo's grip on the armrest tightened. He knew what it felt to play like that. To play until you were exhausted. To play until the beastly desire to perform was satisfied. And for the first time in a _long_ time, Kuroo yearned to be on the stage again. To play until he had nothing left to give. His fingers twitched with the need to feel the smooth keys of a piano beneath them. He needed it. But he was afraid. Tsukishima's playing built until it reached the climax at the same time the orchestra and the vocalists did. And just like that, it was done.

Kuroo was breathing hard through his nose, heart hammering against his ribcage as if he had run a marathon in those 4 minutes. He blinked hard and jumped when the crowd erupted into applause. Bokuto and Iwaizumi were on their feet, giving their best friends a standing ovation, sending whoops and whistles their way. Oikawa and Akaashi sent smiles their way as they did their bows before they directed the applause of the audience to Tsukishima on the mountain. 

Kuroo got to his feet and clapped so hard his hands stung. He idly remembered he'd need to thank Iwaizumi for this later, he really did need this. Tsukishima was slow to lower his violin to his side, as if he didn't want to stop playing it. He gave a polite incline of his head, acknowledging the audience before he disappeared down the back of the mountain prop. Before he vanished though, Kuroo could've sworn he looked his way, but maybe that was just wishful projection. Either way, Kuroo had an itch for his piano that he thought he'd never feel again.

***

Kuroo's head fell on the keys with an ugly sound. That itch he'd developed was still there, but he couldn't do it. He tried, he really tried, but he couldn't play. Anything he tried either sounded like nothing or sounded ugly and warped. And so here he was, wallowing in his despair. Clearly ambition alone wasn't enough. 

"Hey," Oikawa chimed from the kitchen, bringing in the tray with drinks for everyone (everyone else being Akaashi, Bokuto, and Iwaizumi) who had all crowded into the piano room of Kuroo's flat. "At least you have the desire to play now. That's a start."

Everyone hummed in agreement but Kuroo still groaned. "You guys don't get it, it's so fRUSTRATING!" He slammed his hands on the keys only to be promptly shoved off the piano seat by Iwaizumi. 

"Then take a break dumbass. Keiji, wanna duet with me?"

"I'd love to." Akaashi left Bokuto's side, much to his dismay, and settled next to Iwaizumi. He sung an English pop song Kuroo didn't recognise while Iwaizumi played the accompaniment. 

"Why don't you ever join him Kou?" Kuroo groaned as he settled onto the beanbag next to Bokuto. 

"Well duh, I can't sing for shit. Thanks Tooru." He said as he took his drink. "Gimme a drum kit though, and I'm golden." He grinned.

Oikawa pulled a face as he pushed the last drink into Kuroo's hands and pulled another beanbag over to join their little trouppe on the floor. "Drum kits are horrible to sing with unless heavy metal is your shit."

"Oi don't diss the genre!"

"Well when you can accompany the jazz and classical genres Keiji and I sing I will."

Bokuto opened and closed his mouth before huffing and crossing his arms as Oikawa grinned evilly.

"That's what I thought."

Kuroo rolled his eyes at them as he sipped on his drink, watching Iwaizumi play his piano. "What am I gonna do you guys?"

Bokuto smiled sadly at him, patting Kuroo on the back as he merely shrugged.

"Helpful."

Oikawa on the other hand, was deep in thought, tapping away at his chin before he snapped his fingers. Kuroo swore you could see the light bulb above that man's head. "Seeing Kei-chan play inspired you right?"

_Kei-chan?_ "Uh.. yeah? Why?"

"Well," Oikawa grinned as he leaned in close enough that Kuroo had to lean back, lest he face Iwaizumi's wrath for kissing his boyfriend. "What if you played _with_ him??"

Kuroo stared at him, dumbstruck. He thought back on the elegant monster of a performance he watched, feeling his palms get clammy around his mug. Could he really keep up with that? Before he could decide, Oikawa was already texting the violinist. 

"Ahah!" 

Kuroo jumped, almost spilling his drink on his good pants. "What??"

Oikawa's grin was nothing short of predatory as he turned the phone to Kuroo. "He'll see you Saturday~"

_3 days from now_. Kuroo tipped his mug back, attempting to drown himself in his tea. This would either completely devastate Kuroo beyond repair, or be exactly what he's been missing all these weeks. Only time would tell.


	2. Boy Meets ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo has anxiety and meets the Tsukishima Protection Squad TM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments you guys leave! They feed my creative drive! I love hearing your personal headcanons, responses to the chapters, and hopes for the story! If commenting isn't your thing, thank you anyway for your support ^_^ 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

"So, before you go meet Kei-chan, there's a couple of things you need to know."

Kuroo swallowed a little too quickly when Oikawa suddenly turned his attention from Iwaizumi to him. "Yeah?" Kuroo asked as he indignantly wiped his chin, hoping nothing had spilled.

Oikawa merely snickered as he patted Kuroo's shoulder. "3 things. First thing," He held up one finger. "He's a very.... particular personality. Likes to get under your skin if you give him the chance." He leveled Kuroo with an impish grin. "You should know what that's like," 

Kuroo rolled his eyes but chuckled regardless, lightly shoving the brunette. "Yeah fuck off," 

Oikawa grinned. "No matter how mean he is, don't be offended by it. Whatever he says he's not actually being mean."

Kuroo raised an eyebrow as he nodded.

"Second thing." Oikawa raised another finger. "His violin is absolutely off. Limits." He said, making an X by crossing his forearms. "Don't touch it. Even accidentally. Don't look at it, don't breathe on it, don't-"

"Tooru you're being a bit dramatic now," Akaashi chimed in, cutting off Oikawa's listing rant.

Oikawa cleared his throat, adjusting an invisible collar. "Right. Well either way, that violin is his everything. I picked it up and asked if I could play it and almost lost my arm." 

Kuroo snorted until Oikawa rolled up his sleeve to show a small, now healed, cut on his forearm. "Oh. Shit."

"Eyup." He hummed, rolling the sleeve back down. "So just, don't touch it. At all. You'll die."

Kuroo took a cautious sip of his drink. He'd met intense people before, namely Ushijima and Terushima coming to mind first, but Tsukishima seemed to be on a level of his own. "Right. Avoid his violin at all costs. And the third thing?"

"Thirdly-"

Oikawa's phone buzzed loudly on the floor next to them. "Hang on, I gotta take this." He put his mug down, trading it for his phone, as he answered it and wandered to the doorway of the piano room. "Hey Haiba, what's up?" 

Kuroo recognised the name. Haiba Lev was Oikawa's agent. From the hot tea that Oikawa loved to spill, he knew that Lev was dating Akaashi's agent, Morisuke Yaku. Kuroo was surrounded by beautiful people in beautiful relationships, forever the fifth wheel. Not that he minded. Not really anyway. But sometimes they were so sickly sweet and affectionate he truly feared he'd get severe cavities and lose all his teeth. And then who would Kuroo Tetsurou be without his charming grin.

Oikawa soon swept back into the room, wrapping an arm around Akaashi's shoulders. "We've gotta bounce, got a meeting with the company."

Bokuto whined and even Iwaizumi looked like he was pouting.

_Simps._ Kuroo thought as he quietly sipped his drink, not daring to call his friends out on said simping lest he lose his life along with his teeth. 

"You have to go already?? But you just got here."

Akaashi placed a kiss to the top of Bokuto's head as he grabbed his jacket. "We'll see you all again soon, but for right now, duty calls."

Kuroo watched the couples bicker, banter, and get their goodbyes out, the penny not dropping until Oikawa and Akaashi were boosting out the door. "WAIT!" He skidded past the front door in his socks, latching onto the doorframe and yelling out into the night. "You didn't tell me what the third thing was!"

The car door closed behind Akaashi and Oikawa started climbing in on the driver's side. "Kei-chan is-!"

The wind decided then to pick up, obscuring whatever Oikawa had said. "Wait, I didn't hear you! Don't you dare leave and do me like this Tooru!" But the brunette wasn't really listening.

"Kei-chan is d-!"

Kuroo swore under his breath. _Fucking wind._

"Good luck Tet-chan!!" And with a wave out the window, the car sped off into the night.

Kuroo thrust his hands into his hair before dragging them down his face. "Uuugghhh," _Fucking wind, what was that third thing??_ Kuroo shuffled back into the house with an aggravated huff, closing the door and blocking out the cold. It was times like where Google was his friend.

***

Kuroo all but threw his laptop at the couch where Iwaizumi was lounging, the remaining trio relocated to the lounge. "How is there so little on him??" Slamming his head on the table he let out a pathetic whine that both Bokuto and Iwaizumi called him out for.

"What do you mean nothing? Look at this shit," Iwaizumi turned Kuroo's laptop around and scrolled through article upon article of Tsukishima's past performances. There were only articles and videos of him from the ages of 11 to 16 before he disappeared from the public eye. Much like Kuroo recently had. Though unlike Kuroo, he was clearly performing under the radar. There were some bootleg videos of his performances now but almost every single one they looked at had been taken down under copyright laws.

"You guys know what I mean," He huffed, exasperated. "That's all performance shit from when he was like, a foetus," Kuroo threw his hands up. "I need to know about _him_ , so I know how to act and not make a massive fool of myself,"

"Good luck," Bokuto muttered under his breath, raising his hands and karate chopping the air when Kuroo snapped at him.

"Calm down." Iwaizumi groaned. "Just watch the damn videos. It's better than nothing isn't it?"

"...."

"Isn't it."

Kuroo withered under Iwaizumi's flat stare, a single eyebrow cocked at Kuroo. "Yes."

"So quit whining and watch."

"Yes dad." Bokuto muttered under his breath again, barking out a laugh as Iwaizumi launched the most uncomfortable pillow the flat had at him.

***

It was around noon the next day, during the middle of his obnoxiously long shower, that Kuroo realised he also had no clue where to meet the guy. Towel around his waist, hair flat to his head in a rare show of it actually conforming to physics, and called Oikawa, because this was more urgent than getting dressed. Otherwise it was going to keep him feeling restless all day and fuck that.

The call went straight to voicemail but not too long after, he got a text from Oikawa.

**From: Alien Boxers**

_Sorry sorry Tet, working atm ;P Wassup?_

**From: Conman**

_Where am I meeting this guy???_

**From: Alien Boxers**

_O! Lk ^_ _KRSN bar! Ttyl Tet!_

Kuroo huffed as he ran a hand through his thick hair, flicking open Google maps, looking up KRSN bar like Oikawa instructed. Turns out KRSN bar stood for the Karasu Bar, and was an infamous hole in the wall kind of bar and if you didn't know people who knew about it, you'd go your life without ever finding it. He thumbed the link that led him to the official website. There was a food drinks menu and a little descriptor of the place accompanied by some really professional photos. Kuroo continued his scrolling and came across the reviews for the place. Despite being so hidden, the reviews were all incredibly good and supportive, showering the establishment and its performers in accolades. 

There were links for 'Meeting the Crew' and 'Performers'. The performer link caught his eye and he clicked it open. A little cute banner popped up.

_Think You've Got A Great Set Of Musical Chops!?_

_Come On Down To Karasu To Try Your Luck! Performers Deemed Worthy By That Night's Audience Will Earn The Right To Have Their Name Engraved On A String Of Our Talent Harp!!_

Below was a photo of a gold harp with gold strings and below that were playlists from various performances at the bar. 

\- Funniest Musical Performance

\- Funniest Stand up Performance

\- Crowd Favourites

\- Talents

Kuroo clicked on the Talents playlist more eagerly than he'd care to admit. Was Tsukishima one of them? This Talent Harp and the performers good enough to get it, Kuroo wondered how hard it could be. Would he ever go back to being good enough to get his own name engraved after playing with Tsukishima? Kuroo sighed and shook his head. His nerves saw him getting ahead of himself. _First meet Tsukishima. Then play with him. Then worry about what comes next. Baby steps._

The videos were in chronological order, the videos at the top being the oldest with each newer addition to the Talent Harp being added lower down. There were 6 videos in total.

The first video and the first person to earn their place on the harp was a man with silky black hair seated at a piano. He wore a dark purple almost black button up shirt, sleeves rolled up to the top of his forearms, and black jeans. The video title told Kuroo his name was Suna Rintarou and he was playing 6 Trillion Years and an Overnight Story. Kuroo watched with equal parts amazement and envy as the man's fingers flew across the keys playing the rapid, complex song with practised ease, expression almost of boredom. 

Oh how Kuroo missed playing.

He clicked onto the next video before Suna's piece finished, unable to stomach watching much more of it. The next was a duet, Kageyama Tobio and Hinata Shoyou. They were a bass and electric guitar duet, both of them singers. Despite the rough out there nature of their playing, they actually sounded really good together, playing what Kuroo assumed was an original song.

There were 3 other videos, making it a total of 6 people with their names currently on the Talent Harp. The fourth person was Takanobu Aone, a classical cellist, and the fifth person was Nishinoya Yuu, a jazz trumpet player. Kuroo glossed over their videos in favour of watching the sixth player. Tsukishima Kei.

_So he does have a string._

The piece Tsukishima played was Violin Sonata No. 9 (Kreutzer) First Movement accompanied by the man, Rintarou, from the first video. Kuroo knew the piece pretty well, having had to play the accompaniment himself back in the day, and the way Kei played it, that classical piece had become another beast entirely. It gave Kuroo goosebumps, watching the casually dressed blonde play that classic piece in a way he'd never seen before. Kuroo definitely had a toner* for Tsukishima. His playing was exhilarating. It was exciting. It was scary.

How was Kuroo expected to play with that? He had to commend Rintarou's playing, being able to keep up with Tsukishima's playing. Had they practised a lot? Was he just insanely skilled? Regardless, Kuroo felt his throat tighten and his hands get clammy. He was definitely nervous, but he'd be damned if he let it show.

*Toner - a musical boner.

***

The remainder of that day and the next passed with Kuroo trying to play something decent on the piano, but every attempt saw his fingers start trembling, the notes sounding heavier and uglier, with flashes of that monster of a pianist plaguing his mind. Kuroo screwed his eyes shut, fingers twisting tightly in his hair as he dropped his head onto the piano. 

_Deep breaths. Deep breaths. You can do this. You did it once before, you can do it again._

But he couldn't.

Not once in those 36 hours did Kuroo play something remotely decent, let alone any sort of satisfying. And before he knew it, he was having to get ready to go meet Tsukishima.

Standing in the bathroom Kuroo tried futilely to tame his hair. He tried washing it, combing it, geling it, but each time his hair just bounced back into that ridiculous 'iconic' fashion of his. Kuroo sighed heavily, splashing his face with water. He was just going to have to deal with it. He wandered back into his bedroom, discarding his towel and rifling through his closet for something to wear. Did he dress fancy? _No, the outfits the people wore in those videos were casual. But how casual??_

Kuroo huffed and flopped onto his bed. "That's it." He muttered. "I'm fucked."

"No one'll fuck you with that attitude ya know."

Kuroo swore his soul left his body. "Hajime what the fuck!!" Kuroo threw his hands over his dick and rolled off, hiding his naked body behind the other side of his bed.

Iwaizumi laughed lightly from where he was leaning on Kuroo's doorframe, arms crossed. "Oi, not like you've got nothing I've never seen before."

"Still!"

Iwaizumi laughed as Kuroo dragged his towel off his bed and wrapped it back around his waist.

"Whaddya want man?" He sighed, sitting back down.

"Nothing. Just checking in on you. You were making more of a ruckus than usual."

"Oh. Sorry."

Iwaizumi just shrugged. "Nervous?"

Kuroo chuckled humorlessly. "Extremely. I don't know what to wear. First impressions are really important and shit and if I'm gonna ask Tsukishima for help I wanna look nice but I don't wanna look like I'm trying too hard but what if he thinks I'm not trying enough and doesn't want to even talk to me and changes his mind and -"

"Oi."

Kuroo's lips snapped shut at Iwaizumi's exasperated tone.

"Stop overthinking it. You'll put yourself in an early grave. Just a nice shirt and your jeans should be fine."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

Kuroo frowned. "Yeah?"

"Yup. I used to study with Kageyama, and he introduced me to Karasu bar via one of its owners, Sawamura Daichi. Great guy."

Kuroo blanched. This was certainly news to him. "You what??"

Iwaizumi chuckled. "Yeah. Now hurry up and get dressed so you're at least not tardy. I'll drive you."

Kuroo began to protest, despite being glad Iwaizumi would walk him to the door (he was such a baby), but Iwaizumi had already left his bedroom before he could even voice his fake protests.

***

By time they arrived Kuroo had decided he wasn't _that_ much of a baby and didn't want or need Iwaizumi to walk him to the door, the taller man practically diving out of the car to ensure Iwaizumi wouldn't. Kuroo had dressed simply, his non-ripped black jeans, a white shirt that hung off his broad shoulders and chest from years of athletics in his youth, and his black bomber jacket. He waved back at him and watched the shorter male drive off before he turned to face the bar. It was a dark blue, almost black door in the wall with a single light above it, shining on what Kuroo guessed to be an orange crow above

K A R A S U

written in plain orange text underneath it. Shaking his hands at his sides, Kuroo pulled the door open and was greeted with a winding stairwell.

The ravenette groaned as he climbed the 3 twisting flights of stairs, tension and nerves mounting with each step. When he reached the third step he startled to a stop, almost running into the back of the person in front of him. Peering past their shoulder Kuroo was surprised to see a line. Some people were let in, others were turned away, brushing past Kuroo on their way down. 

Kuroo could only fidget as the line painstakingly made its way towards the inner door. The more people that lined up behind him, the more his nerves were starting to get the better of him. But before he succumbed to the urge to stand Tsukishima up and just go home and hide forever in the comfort of his bed, he realised he was close enough to hear the music from inside. It was a complicated but smooth swing trumpet solo accompanied by a jazz band. 

The pianist found himself smiling despite his fraying nerves. It was so light and fun that he felt some of the tension bleed out of him. Peering past the person in front of him in attempts to see how far he was from the door, Kuroo caught sight of a couple doing a small little swing dance in their place in line. Kuroo's smile grew. They were in a world of their own, completely unbothered and perfectly happy. If Kuroo eventually entered the dating scene, he'd like to think he'd have a relationship like that.

The trumpet solo ended and gave way to some gypsy-esque vocal stylings with folk instruments Kuroo had never actually heard play live. Or much at all to be honest. He had been raised to have a very refined music taste. And before he knew it, Kuroo was standing in front of another door, this one fully black. Kuroo jumped as it swung open, revealing a shorter guy with a shaved head and a nasty look in his eyes. 

"Heey!!" He yelled, hands on his hips as he leaned into Kuroo's space. "Haven't seen you around before, how'd you find this place?" He drawled aggressively.

"Um, oh I, Tooru said, I mean," Kuroo mentally kicked himself. Was he that nervous that he couldn't even get through this simple interrogation? Yes. Yes he was.

The bouncer inhaled deeply, looking ready to rag on Kuroo again, when a hand came down on his head, all but shoving him to the floor. 

"Tanaka stop it!!" The new person was a man with short black hair and, what Kuroo decided was a distinguishing feature of the guy, thick thighs. Thigh guy looked up at Kuroo and smiled. "Daichi." He said, offering a hand.

"Kuroo." he replied with a small smile as he shook the hand. _So this was the guy Hajime was talking about._ "I'm here to see Tsukishima?"

"Oho, so you're Tooru's friend." Thigh guy- Daichi exclaimed as he let Tanaka go, baldie rubbing his head. "He's just about to go on actually so he'll only be able to meet you after."

Kuroo quickly shook his head. "No no that's okay."

Daichi smiled. "Well in that case head on in Kuroo-san."

Nodding his head and returning his smile, Kuroo headed inside, returning the sneer Tanaka gave him. 

Daichi knocked him on the head again. "Oi you're meant to be keeping out trouble not causing it!"

Kuroo chuckled under his breath. That, and him not immediately having to meet Tsukishima, put him at ease. Kuroo looked around the building and it was much bigger than he had thought. Dimly lit with natural light streaming through the stained glass windows on the high ceilings. There was a long bar, the floor decorated with tables surrounding a large stage with a red curtain. Above the shelves that held the various multitudes of alcohol, sat the large, golden Talent Harp. 

His attention was drawn from it when he reached the bar, a silver haired man and a blonde woman with very pleasant curves. The silver haired man had a mischievous expression on his pretty face and the woman very much reminded Kuroo of Tanaka at the door.

"Hey there gorgeous, I'm Sugawara Koushi. I'm the owner of Karasu. The other owner is Mr Sawmura Daichi who you just met." He offered Kuroo a hand to shake that was surprisingly calloused. "This here," he gestured to the woman beside him who winked. "This is Saeko nee-san,"

"Nee-san?"

"I'm everyone's nee-san," she laughed with a flirtatious smile that had something stirring in the base of Kuroo's stomach that had him squirming in his seat. 

"Well nice to meet you Saeko."

"So," Sugawara began, chuckling at the other bartender's antics. "The way things work here is the first drink is on the house and you don't take it off the set menu. You tell us what you feel like and we make it."

Kuroo blinked. "What I feel like?"

"Mmhm. Fruity, creamy, chocolatey, spicey-"

"Blue."

"Blue?"

Saeko nodded. "Mmhm. Had a girl ask me to make her a drink that tasted like the colour blue. So be as extravagant as you want."

The pair left Kuroo to think, tending to the other patrons that settled at the bar. "I think I'd like..."

An excited hush suddenly fell over the crowd as the lights dimmed further and a spotlight settled on the stage. The rose red curtains parted to reveal Tsukishima, dressed in blue jeans and a dark blue hoodie with a purple star over his heart. 

"I want something that tastes like music," he whispered. But Sugawara heard him, a quiet smile passing over his lips as he set about making Kuroo's drink.

***

Kuroo's fingers drummed anxiously, first on his thigh, then on the bench, then on the mug Sugawara had all but pushed into his hand, as he watched Tsukishima lethargically uet carefully tune his violin. There was a single spotlight on the blonde, catching the shine of his violin, his glasses, rings adorning his left index and ring fingers and... Kuroo squinted. _An ear cuff?_

Kuroo's restless musings ended abruptly when the blonde suddenly straightened to his full height, readjusting the instrument on his shoulder and held his bow poised to play. Hazel eyes opened behind black framed glasses and made eye contact with various members of the audience, one of which being Kuroo. 

The first note rang out in the large building, the acoustics amazing for a bar, and Kuroo watched as Tsukishima launched into wild exhaustive playing. His fingers flew up and down the neck of the violin, eyes narrowed or closed in concentration, bow sawing across the bridge, some of the hair strands fraying. The performance was fast and long, Kuroo noted the baby bangs the blonde naturally had sticking to the sweat now beading on his forehead. 

It looked _really_ impressive. But that was the thing. It only looked impressive. Kuroo had recognised this piece instantly and it was actually a really simple piece that most classical musos learnt. Yet, here was Tsukishima Kei, an unofficial professional violinist in the eyes of many, almost battling with this piece. Kuroo's brows furrowed as he looked around the bar and the people closest to him seemed to be in complete awe of the performance, whispering excitedly amongst themselves. It definitely was a show stopper with the tempestuous way Tsukishima was playing, but it left Kuroo feeling very confused. 

The song quickly drew to an end, Tsukishima finishing with a flourish of his bow, and the audience immediately burst into applause, whistles sounding out over the top. Kuroo gave a small clap to convey his appreciation and confusion at the performance. He had just noted Tsukishima's near devilish smirk when laughter broke out from a table stage left. 

Kuroo, along with the rest of the audience, swivelled to look at the people who had the audacity to laugh at Tsukishima's performance. The excited whispers and murmurs had turned to snide jeers directed at those seated at the table. Kuroo craned his neck, but they sat at the front while he was at the back, so he couldn't even catch a glimpse of who they might be.

A single note played, Tsukishima beckoning the audience's attention once more. That briefest of smirks had vanished from his face, his expression the one of aloofness and serenity. The blonde once more raised his bow to play something smoother and more melodic this time. Kuroo physically shook as goosebumps overtook his skin. _Caprice for Solo Violin, Op. 1 No. 5._ It was a piece by Niccolo Paganini that Kuroo had heard many of his classmates back in the day discuss and listen to, but never attempted to play. Why? Because it was hailed as one of the most difficult, if not _the_ most, difficult violin piece in the world. And here was Tsukishima playing it and looking _bored_.

Kuroo's grip tightened on the poor mug in his hand as he watched Tsukishima play it without even bothering to look at his violin, gaze idly tracking around the room. His usually good posture slumped into something casual, a hip cocked as he crossed one ankle behind the other. The bastard even had the audacity to _yawn_ while playing. A grin full of annoyance, envy, and amazement set itself painfully on Kuroo's face at the sheer hilarity of what he was witnessing. Tsukishima Kei was really something else.

The piece came to its delicate intricate flourish of a finish and Tsukishima ended with a small bow. Kuroo looked around at the confused patrons and the scattered applause that was interrupted by raucous laughter from that stage left table. He found himself joining in with the laughter as Tsukishima disappeared off stage to join whoever was sitting at that table while Daichi swept onstage to try and appease the confused crowd. Kuroo wiped non-existent tears from his eyes as his laughter died down, only to feel like his soul briefly left his body when Sugawara's voice sounded next to him.

"Oho?"

Kuroo turned and came face to face with Sugawara's mischievous expression. Kuroo nerves pricked at him and he took a distracted gulp of his drink. "What?"

"... Nothing." Sugawara hummed amusedly. "Just... that it's not often that someone who isn't a regular figures out what Tsukishima's doing."

Kuroo turned to face the silver haired man properly. "Oh really?"

Sugawara just chuckled lightly. " Yep. It's something Tsukishima loves to do but he rarely does it, lest he piss off all our customers and we go out of business." Kuroo watched Sugawara put down the glass he'd been cleaning before he placed his elbows on the bar and leaned into Kuroo's space. "How'd you figure it out Newcomer-san?"

It was Kuroo's turn to chuckle. "I've played that first piece myself. You can't call yourself any kind of musician if you haven't played it before. But the way he played it was so unnecessary, making it seem so much more complicated than it actually was. To be honest, I didn't figure it out until the second piece where he looked bored out of his mind. He was messing with people who don't know music. Classical music anyway."

"Or him." Sugawara laughed. "It's a little bit of a backhanded performance, leaving people feeling upset that they missed the joke. But not you?" It was more of an observation than a question.

"It's really clever. And really hard to do. But no, I ain't no fool." Kuroo grinned. "If there's one thing I know, it's my music."

Sugawara returned his grin. "So, are you here to try for a place on the Talent Harp or just looking for a good time?"

"Oh, actually I'm here for Tsukishima." Kuroo had gotten so caught up in figuring out what game Tsukishima was playing, that he'd almost completely forgotten he had to go talk to the blonde. 

Sugawara's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really?" Brown eyes subtly narrowed at him. "Fan or friend?"

Kuroo frowned in turn. "Friend of a friend?" When Sugawara's expression didn't budge Kuroo added, "Oikawa Tooru? Or Iwaizumi H-"

"Hajime!" Kuroo jumped as excitement returned to the bartender's expression. "I haven't seen those two in _eons_! I didn't know they knew Tsukishima. Kageyama yes, but Tsukishima," Sugawara tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Wonder when that happened," He mused to himself.

"Oh, he did a performance with Tooru recently."

Sugawara gaped, then pouted prettily, crossing his arms with a huff. "He didn't tell me that." He mumbled, making Kuroo laugh. "I take it he's expecting you then?"

Kuroo nodded. "He should be. Tooru was liasoning with him for me since I don't have a method of contacting him."

The bartender nodded again. "Well I'd go now if I were you, he doesn't tend to stick around too long after his performances."

A chill ran down Kuroo's spine, hands becoming clammier. "Oh." He quickly downed the rest of his drink before hopping off his bar stool.

"Wait!"

Kuroo spun around on his heel, a single eyebrow raised in question. 

"Take him this," Sugawara said as he prepared a drink faster than Kuroo thought was humanly possible. "It'll help make a good first impression." And then Kuroo was sent off to that stage left table with a wink from Sugawara and a piece offering in hand. 

Kuroo approached the table and saw Tsukishima sitting with whom he recognised as Hinata, Kageyama, and Nishinoya. There was another man at the table, with short green hair, and a small blonde girl. The blondes were sitting together, backs to Kuroo.

The others sat on the other side of the table, engaged in a very animated conversation. If it could be called that? Kuroo decided 'argument' suited that interaction better.

The man in question breathed in deeply and let it out slowly as he approached the table. _You can do this. Just introduce yourself. Baby steps._ On the next breath he let out, he called out to the blonde violinist. "Tsukishima-san,"

The green haired man who wasn't engaged in the rowdy conversation at the table glanced up at Kuroo, but aside from that, there was no reaction from the blonde. So he tried again a little louder. Maybe he wasn't being heard over the noise?

"Tsukishima-san!"

Still nothing. 

Kuroo stepped closer, ignoring the green haired man's eyes being trained intensely on him, and reached out to touch Tsukishima's shoulder to make his presence known. "Tsukishima-!" Kuroo startled as an iron like vice appeared around his wrist. He winced at the pain that briefly shot up his arm before he followed the hand around his wrist up its arm to its owner. That was how Kuroo found himself face to face with Suna Rintarou.

The shorter man's expressive was one of indifference, but his eyes were alight with unsaid threats. He tightened his grip on Kuroo's wrist when he tried to pull it free. "Who are you."

Kuroo glared at the shorter pianist, opening his mouth to snap back a retort, when a long slim hand covered Suna's where it was gripping Kuroo's arm.

"That's Oikawa's friend," The voice was soft and husky and belonged to none other than Tsukishima. While it was pleasant to listen to, Kuroo could tell there was something off about it.

Turning his gaze back to the table, Kuroo saw green haired guy was on his feet and the three Talent players were all watching him with disturbing intensity as Tsukishima pulled Suna's hand off of Kuroo. Kuroo voiced his thanks, but got no reply from the blonde. Returning to looking at the violinist, Kuroo's eyes widened.

Not only was Suna apologising to Tsukishima, but he was also signing it to him.

_That was the third thing Tooru mentioned_. 

Tsukishima Kei is deaf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Don't forget to check out some of my other works! See you next time x ^_^


	3. Dead To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery is two steps forward, one major step back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO MY LOVELIES
> 
> SO
> 
> Whenever someone that isn't Kuroo is talking to Tsukishima, and whenever Tsukishima is talking, he is signing unless stated otherwise ^_^ Enjoy the chapter!

_Tsukishima Kei... is deaf._

Kuroo felt as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped over him. So that's what Oikawa had been trying to tell him. _Why didn't the bastard just lead with that??_ Kuroo was breathing hard through his nose, panic internalised to avoid making more of a scene than there already was. Trust Oikawa to leave the most important detail for last.

The poor man floundered, panic bleeding out as he realised he still had to, 1) apologise, and 2) introduce himself. Pushing the drink given to him by Sugawara into Tsukishima's hands, Kuroo fumbled with his phone as he pulled it out, eyes firmly on the ground as his face burned with embarrassment at how dumb he must look right now. With shaking fingers he typed his apology out and held the phone up to Tsukishima. 

The blonde read it and simply nodded in a manner that did nothing to soothe Kuroo's nerve. "It's okay."

That explained why Tsukishima's voice was so rough around the edges. But what it didn't explain was how the hell he was able to play music at _all_ , let alone at the level he was currently playing at. Or how he'd managed to do the show with Oikawa. Kuroo dared to glance away from the pretty blonde and locked eyes again with the green haired guy and was surprised to find an empathetic look on his face. Guess Kuroo wasn't the first one to wonder these things.

Kuroo quickly went back to typing, still needing to introduce himself, when Tsukishima's slender fingers covered the screen and Kuroo's frantic typing. The shorter male (Kuroo had not been expecting that honestly, no-one was taller than him, yet here this blonde was) glanced up again and those cool, calculating eyes. He swallowed thickly, feeling very small.

"I know who you are."

Kuroo flushed. Tsukishima had clearly been watching him type. Was he annoyed at Kuroo and is that why he cut him off?

Tsukishima removed his hand and pulled out his own phone. "You're Oikawa's friend." On the screen was one of the worst photos of Kuroo the man had ever seen, attached to an excited text sent by the brunette. 

Oh how Kuroo was going to bury him.

"Did you enjoy the show?"

Snapping out of his fuming, Kuroo nodded dumbly, not sure what else to say. "Wait, which show?" He had been asking about the one he'd just watched or the one he'd seen with Bokuto and Iwaizumi, when he caught Tsukishima watching his lips intently. No, not watching, reading. Kuroo wanted to slap himself when Tsukishima suddenly put the glass to his lips and downed the drink Sugawara had prepared for him like it was nothing before slamming it on the table as he turned that steely gaze on the others. _Terrifying_. 

"He's the guy I told you guys I was planning to meet. So we're going to head out now. I'll see you two at home." He said/signed to the blonde girl and the green haired guy.

"Okay Tsukki!"

"See you in a few hours." 

Kuroo watched the signs accompanying their words and looked at his own, wiggling his fingers curiously and thoughtfully. He couldn't ignore the feelings of patheticness and inadequateness clawing at the back of his mind.

"As for you three," Kuroo watched as Tsukishima addressed the other 3 Talents at the table, habitually signing to them even though they could hear him. "I'll see you when I see you. Hopefully not soon though."

Nishinoya just laughed, full bellied yet devious, while Hinata and Kageyama glowered playfully at him. "Whatever Stingishima, we're not gonna lose the fan favourite vote next time though!" Despite the aggressive nature of their relationship, they were obviously close enough that they could also sign to Tsukishima.

The tall blonde smirked evilly, placing a hand on his now cocked hip as he stared down his nose at the duet. "You say that every time. And yet." Satisfied at his ending of the conversation he signed to Suna. "This'll be a couple of hours, still on for dinner?"

Suna wrapped an arm around the taller man's shoulders, pulling him into a very intimate hug that had Kuroo shifting awkwardly. 

He'd had his fair share of forced PDA, but those were his friends. These guys were strangers.

Suna pulled back so he could sign. "Wouldn't miss it. Same place?" 

A genuine smile graced Tsukishima's lips, albeit very brief. "Same time." He picked up his violin case and nudged Suna with his shoulder on the way past. "See you tonight."

Kuroo nodded an awkward goodbye to everyone else and scrambled to follow the blonde and his long graceful strides through the bar. Tsukishima effortlessly bobbed and weaved through the crowd of fans that practically threw themselves at him, showering him with accolades and trying to flirt with him and buy him a drink. 

Tsukishima brushed them off with a practiced aloofness and disappeared out the door with a frazzled Kuroo hot on his heels.

***

Before he knew it, Kuroo found himself in the passenger seat of Tsukishima's car. _Can deaf people drive?_ He watched as the blonde started the car, doing his head checks with no qualms at all. _Apparently they can._

Kuroo gazed out the window as a silence he interpreted as awkward descended upon the pair. Kuroo fiddled with his fingers, a nervous habit he picked up from Akaashi, as he wandered where they were going. His eyebrows briefly raised in surprise when the radio suddenly flicked on. Kuroo looked over in time to see Tsukishima's hand returning to the wheel from the radio. 

Kuroo felt a smile twitch at the corner of his lips. It wasn't a big gesture by any means, but Kuroo still felt it was kind of him to do that. Kuroo returned to his gazing out the window, quietly humming along to whatever was playing on the radio, the gesture doing more to calm Kuroo than he'd expected.

Fifteen to twenty minutes later, they pulled into the driveway of a big house. And by 'big house' Kuroo didn't mean anything fancy, it was just literally a big house for many people. Silence settled again but this time Kuroo did his best to keep any awkwardness he felt internalised, lest he make Tsukishima feel uncomfortable for something he can't help. Kuroo tilted his head slightly as he regarded the blonde, watching him unlock the door then following him down the hall. _I wonder what it's like. Having to live in silence._

Kuroo toed his shoes off after Tsukishima and followed the taller man down the hallway, indulging in the feeling of the plush carpet underneath his feet. The first doorway they passed led into a living room area that had many large windows leaving it well lit with natural light. Kuroo slowed to a stop, eyes roaming across the dark leather couches atop the grey carpet that extended from the hallway. His gaze stopped on the large object on the far side of the room, next to a set of glass doors that opened out onto a porch. 

It was a pristine white grand piano. 

Kuroo's piano was a black upright piano and while it did the job, nothing really compared to a grand, and the way it felt under his hands and the beautiful sounds it made. Even before Tsukishima gestured him into the room, Kuroo was already padding his way over to the beauty. He sat on the stool and lifted the lid off the keys, taking his time running his fingers over the keys. It felt so good. 

He glanced over when Tsukishima walked back in. Kuroo noted he was wearing black sweats now instead of his jeans and a pale yellow, oversized chunky yarn knit sweater. Kuroo watched as the soft fabric slipped off his shoulder, revealing pale white skin and defined collarbone that led to a well sculpted shoulder. He had been expecting something boney, not the lean muscle that could be seen every time Tsukishima moved his arm. _Huh. I wouldn't have pegged him for a sports person._ Cuz there was no way tone like that came without any extra work. Kuroo tore his gaze away when the blonde cleared his throat.

The amused look on Tsukishima's face when Kuroo met his eyes told him he'd very much been caught staring.

Smiling sheepishly, Kuroo broke eye contact, pulling out his phone.

"Don't."

His expression conveying his confusion, Kuroo tilted his head at Tsukishima who made a sweeping gesture to the piano. 

"Play." 

A pit opened up in Kuroo's stomach that must've shown on his face because Tsukishima's cool, mildly amused, expression softened. It honestly surprised Kuroo, the kindness in those gold eyes as he sat next to Kuroo, forcing the man to scooch over. Kuroo tried not to pay too much attention to the warmth of Tsukishima's body where it was pressed up against him on his arm and thigh. 

He instead watched him raise a slender hand, wrist lightly arched as he trailed a single finger over the keys, playing a simple idle melody. 

Tsukishima turned back to Kuroo and took one of his hands in his own and placed it on the keys. "Play."

Kuroo looked at him for a moment longer before looking back at the piano that rested under his hand. He drew a deep breath in through his nose, and when he let it out, he began tapping out a simple tune. It was one of the first lines Kuroo had ever played. The place where it all started. And the place where it would start again. Kuroo felt his heart lift a little as he looped through the melodic line. It was a four bar phrase, but it was playable. Unlike his concertos that he'd tried launching himself into. Kuroo smiled softly to himself. _Baby steps._

Kuroo fumbled the next note when Tsukishima suddenly started playing a harmony. Recovering, he looked over at the blonde and saw him watching Kuroo's hand. For every note Kuroo played he played a third up. _Wow._ He hummed. He knew it was something simple, but he couldn't help but be immensely curious about Tsukishima's musical abilities. He wanted to know more. Almost _needed_ to know more. And not just about Tsukishima as a musician now, but who he was, and how he got here. Kuroo's other hand curled into a fist where it rested on his thigh. _How did he do it?_

Their simple duet continued for a minute or so longer before Tsukishima reached over and placed Kuroo's other hand on the keys, causing the man to fumble to a stop. Messing up that simple tune had a blush threatening to force its way onto his face, but failed when Tsukishima's face showed no judgement. In fact, it was simply another one of his indifferent expressions.

"Keep going."

Kuroo's hand felt cold when Tsukishima's hand left his and he watched the blonde drift out of the room. He turned back to the piano and, with another deep breath, he returned to his simple tune, this time playing the left hand accompaniment too.

The darker haired man didn't look over when he heard Tsukishima return and found himself smiling when the tell tale sounds of a violin being tuned sounded next to him. Tsukishima maneuvered his long legs to straddle the piano stool and sat with his back lightly pressed against Kuroo's side.

Kuroo glanced over and again the blonde was watching his hands over his shoulder. Kuroo looped the simple piece and when Kei figured it out, he turned away and resumed the harmony on the violin. And if he's being honest?

The whole thing gave Kuroo goosebumps.

He could hear Tsukishima's playing, carefree and elegant. But more importantly to Kuroo, he could hear his own playing. He could _actually_ hear it for what it was. Not what his depressed mind warped it to be. Kuroo swallowed thickly as he blinked back the all too familiar burning feeling in his eyes.

Yes, what he was playing was so simple any child could do it. But he was playing. For the first time in so long. Too long. And yet it still sounded as beautiful as when it left him.

Kuroo didn't even attempt to stop the grin that broke out uninstructed onto his face, daring to get a smidge more creative with his playing, leaning into and swaying with the music. The pianist tipped his head back slightly, bathing in the afternoon sunlight filtering through the windows as a choked laugh left him.

_I'm home._

When Kuroo opened his eyes again, he caught Tsukishima watching him over his shoulder and felt his face warm. Tsukishima's eyes were openly analytical but the small smile he wore was kind. Kuroo returned it with a shy smile that surprised him and he quickly looked back at the piano as Tsukishima turned away.

It wasn't just his face that was warm anymore.

***

Kuroo lost track of how long they played before the violin suddenly stopped and Tsukishima's phone was placed on the sheet music stand in front of him. Kuroo snorted slightly and raised an eyebrow, challenging Tsukishima's flat stare. "Seriously?"

Tsukishima tipped his head slightly to stare down at Kuroo, the shorter male's expression enough to clue him in to what was said. "Like you're in any position to be picky about what you play." His voice was rough around the edges, but Kuroo felt like he could listen to it forever.

_Wow, so gay bro. Calm down Tetsurou._

"Just play it."

Kuroo sighed fondly, but conceded. He raised his hands to the keys but stopped at a hand on his shoulder. He blinked blanky at the blonde who was looking anywhere but him, pale cheeks tinted the lightest shade of pink. _Why the sudden awkwardness?_ Kuroo's blatant stare then fell to the blonde's hands and he raised an eyebrow.

Tsukishima pouted (!?) as he signed. "Yes. No. Please. Thank you. You're welcome."

Kuroo's eyes widened slightly before he followed Tsukishima when he repeated the signs. Kuroo couldn't help but feel a little giddy as he committed those few signs to memory. Tsukishima wanted to share his language with him and Kuroo felt... special? Maybe it was a little presumptuous of him, but Kuroo appreciated it. " _Thank you._ " he signed.

Tsukishima looked out the window contemplatively before he signed something else to Kuroo. He repeated the sign as he spoke his name. He then made another sign. "This is Kuroo."

Kuroo's grin was all lopsided and asymmetric dimples. " _Thank you Tsukishima._ "

" _You're welcome Kuroo._ " It was spoken as well as signed but Kuroo's attention was on those long fingers. "Now play."

Kuroo snorted but relented and played the accompaniment for Lost in Thoughts All Alone from Fire Emblem while Tsukishima played the main melody. He didn't miss how the violinist stopped watching his playing the second he finished the first bar and he guessed that this was a piece Tsukishima knew well.

And together, in the warm yet fading afternoon sun, the pair began playing for the many hours to come.

***

By the time front door practically slammed open, the peaceful atmosphere shattered by loud boisterous voices, the sun had vanished from the sky. Kuroo looked out to the hallway before glancing at the window and at the night sky. _When did that happen?_ He turned his gaze to Tsukishima who had moved to standing at some point, his hip resting on the side of the piano as he faced the window, playing completely undisturbed. Kuroo found himself smiling when the voices barrelled into the living room.

"TSUKISHIMAAAAA!! GEH! Rooster-head!" The short ginger, who's name Kuroo's brain was refusing to provide, pointed an accusing finger at him, hand faltering when his duet partner appeared behind him and slapped him on the back of the head. "Goddamit Bakeyama!"

Green haired guy and blondie wandered in after them, laughing at the fight that broke out between the duet partners. Blondie smiled shyly at Kuroo before running past him and hugging Tsukishima around his middle ( _Wow she's tiny)_ , startling him out of his playing.

Tsukishima looked down and offered her a half smile. "Home already?"

"It's already late Kei," she giggled. "You needa get ready for dinner with Suna."

Tsukishima raised his eyebrows. " _That_ late already?"

"You must've had a good time." The pair signed as they chatted and Kuroo sat awkwardly at the piano. He looked away from the pair and made eye contact with green haired guy and offered him a smile that was thankfully returned. Kuroo's shoulders relaxed away from his ears and he stood, going over to where he stood.

"Thank you for having me over." Kuroo politely bowed his head before extending a hand. "Kuroo Tetsurou."

The man, who Kuroo belatedly noted was his height, gave him a firm handshake. "Yamaguchi Tadashi. And the pleasure's ours. Always nice to help out a fellow musician."

Kuroo's smile was a little tight. _How much does he know?_

Yamaguchi quickly waved his hands. "No no, Tsukki just told us that a friend of Oikawa's needed help, and I'm quoting here, 'getting his funk back'."

Kuroo snorted and rolled his eyes. Oh Oikawa and his self proclaimed eloquence. "Well thank you again anyway."

Yamaguchi grinned and Kuroo felt temporarily blinded. "And again, it's absolutely okay. Oh! Where are my manners?" He gestured past Kuroo. "That lovely over there is Yachi Hitoka, or Yacchan if you're friendly," Kuroo barely suppressed a laugh at the wholesome version of 'Ms blank if you're nasty'. "The brooding blueberry over there is Kageyama Tobio-"

"Hajime's junior right?"

Upon hearing the name of his senpai, Kageyama's scary expression disappeared, even as he kept trying to grab Hinata. "Yes. And Oikawa-san. Though he doesn't like to acknowledge it." He grumbled. Kageyama blanched when Hinata suddenly let go and he face planted on the mercifully soft carpet. "BOKE HINATA BOKE!"

But the shorter man ignored him, thrusting a hand out to Kuroo. "I'm Hinata Shoyou!"

Something clicked in Kuroo's mind as he slowly took the outstretched hand. "Shoyou?"

_"We tried getting Kenma to come but he's still abroad with Shoyou."_

Kuroo stared hard at Hinata for a beat too long.

".... What?"

"You..." _No, surely not._ "You wouldn't happen to know Kozume Kenma... would you?"

The way his face lit up had Kuroo's stomach sinking, the elation from his hours of playing instantly vanishing. "You know Kenma! Man I haven't seen him ages!"

Kuroo frowned. He didn't like this. "What do you mean? You haven't been overseas with him recently?"

Hinata hit Kuroo with a funny look. "Nope," He said warily.

Kuroo's grip on Hinata's hand tightened almost painfully, causing the redhead to jerk his hand free. "When did you see him last?" Desperation bled into Kuroo's voice so much that the room quieted as every pair of eyes settled on him.

"When did I last see him?" Hinata tapped his chin thoughtfully and the answer that was given faded into white noise in Kuroo's mind.

_That was when he said he was going overseas with this kid..._ Kuroo ran a hand frustratedly through his hair. No. Surely Kenma wouldn't have lied to him. Not when he was so vulnerable. Not when his mum had- "I need to make a phone call." Not waiting for a response Kuroo pushed past the others into the hallway, walking to the end furthest from the living room. He pulled out his phone, punching in Kenma's number with trembling fingers.

Kuroo chewed his lip as he held the phone to his ear, pacing up and down the plush carpet but no longer feeling any comfort from it. "C'mon c'mon," He whispered urgently, anxiety spiking with each ring that passed. When there was no answer, he redialed. He did this twice more before he hurried back into the living room. He grabbed Hinata by the shoulder and spun him around.

"Wha-!"

"Can I borrow your phone?" At the look on Hinata's face, Kuroo cleared his throat and brought his voice back down to an acceptable level. "Can I borrow your phone. Please?"

Hinata stared at him. In fact, everyone was staring at him.

But Kuroo didn't care. He hurriedly thanked Hinata when he wordlessly held his phone out to Kuroo. The man all but ran back into the hallway, belatedly appreciating that he didn't have a lock on his phone, and found Kenma's contact on his phone. A flash of anger exploded in Kuroo, hot, white, and wild, when the facetime call was picked up before the first ring had even finished.

"Hey Shoyou what's up?" There sat Kenma, controller in his hand, headset on with his long hair tied in a lazy, low bun.

The man gritted his teeth, the phone's structure protesting under the grip it was held captive in. "It's Kuroo." He bit out. He watched as his lifelong friend dropped the controller he was holding, head whipping to face the screen.

"...Kuroo..."

"Kozume."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and your continued support! Hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	4. Every Time the Rain Comes Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the eye of the hurricane, there is quiet....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DROWNING IN UNI SO ENJOY THIS SELF INDULGENT DROWNING IN FEELINGS
> 
> I love me some KuroKen but instead of retconning things decided to make drAMMMMA!
> 
> Sorry for doing KuroKen dirty but remember folks taking care of yourself may be selfish but it's healthy and sometimes needs to be done!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

" _Kozume._ "

It pained the shorter man more than he'd anticipated, hearing Kuroo address him by his given name. Kuroo _never_ used Kenma's family name. Ever. In the 17 years they'd known each other, it had always been Kuroo and Kenma.

And Kenma had destroyed that. He looked away from Kuroo. He knew he shouldn't. Kenma knew he should face the consequences of his actions. Face Kuroo. But he couldn't. The man was _seething,_ his anger barely constrained, and Kenma was thankful for the screen between them.

Kuroo's other hand clenched uselessly at his side, jaw clenched so tightly it ached and yet he did not relax it. He was furious. He was hurt. He wanted to yell at Kenma, to cry, and scream his agony at his betrayal. And yet. He remained silent. Kuroo knew Kenma hated confrontation. So he was going to force him to address it first. 

Kenma squirmed where he sat, flicking his game off and slowly swivelling till he was facing Kuroo, gaze still on the floor. 

The silence stretched on and Kuroo's patience wore thin.

Kuroo's nails dug painfully into his palms. Just as he was about to subject Kenma to an unrestrained tongue lashing, the other man spoke first. It was so quiet, anyone else might've missed it. But Kuroo wasn't anyone else. He knew Kenma better than he knew himself. And likewise. He was Kenma's best friend.

Emphasis on the 'was'.

"I'm sorry." 

Kuroo clicked his tongue. "As you damn well should be." He hissed. "What the _hell_ man? Were you just, never gonna tell me??" Kuroo's chest rose and fell dramatically as he struggled to maintain some semblance of composure.

Instead of getting an answer, Kenma just quietly replied with, "Why do you have Shoyou's phone?"

"Seriously!?" Kuroo snapped. He didn't care if the others heard him. He was beyond furious. " _That's_ what you ask about!? No 'sorry I lied to you' or 'sorry I abandoned you when you needed your support network the most' or 'sorry I was a major dick'??" Each word seeped with angry sarcasm. When no response was forthcoming, Kuroo just openly yelled, ignoring the way Kenma flinched. 

"I'm sorry Kuroo-"

"He said he hasn't seen you since you left! When you told me that you were going overseas _with_ him! What the hell!?"

Shame was a new look on Kenma. 

"Why!" Kuroo was breathing hard as his explosive burst of anger suddenly tanked since there was nothing coming from Kenma to keep fueling the fire. "Why did you leave me?" His voice was so broken, it pained Kenma to hear.

".... I couldn't be what you needed Kuroo."

Kuroo did a mental double take. "...What."

Kenma inhaled deeply and raised his head to look at Kuroo again. "I loved you, but not the way you loved me. And when your mother passed I just... I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to be there for you. And I couldn't bare to see you hurting so much-"

"So- So you just... Left!?"

"I did."

"Kenma!" Kuroo felt tears burning the back of his eyes, disbelief shaking his voice in response to the resolute tone of Kenma's voice. "And?" He prompted, voice wavering despite his best efforts.

"And I'm sorry I hurt you. But," that 'but' broke Kuroo's heart. "I don't regret it."

Kuroo's face fell, his hand going slack by his side. ".... How could you?"

"I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I've ignored you for so long. Too long. But if I had to remake the decision, I'd do it again."

"Ken-" Kuroo's voice broke and he slammed his lips shut, pressing his free hand to his eyes, willing himself not to cry.

"We weren't a thing Kuroo. Even if we were, I'm my own person and allowed to make my own choices-"

"You... Kenma- God." Kuroo hissed, biting his lip. "You were my family Kenma...." Kuroo's voice pitched and cracked as his emotions got the best of him. "When she died you were all I had left and you just... just..."

"Kuroo." His childhood friend looked the most serious Kuroo had ever seen him. "I'm allowed to put my mental health first."

Kuroo stared at him, a flurry of emotions running through his head. He knew Kenma was right, he _knew._ Kenma was his own person, allowed to make his own choices, and yet, he still felt betrayed. "I....." Kuroo shook his head. "I have nothing more to say to you." He whispered.

"I'm sorry Kuroo. Please-"

Click.

***

Kuroo stared at the now black screen in his hand, his reflection staring back. All the life that had burned to life in his eyes at the time spent with Tsukishima had been snuffed out. His eyes were empty - dark and hollow. _He_ was empty. Turning as though he was made of wood, Kuroo dragged himself back to the living room. All eyes were on him, conveying pity and sympathy, every word being heard.

Except by Tsukishima. But the way Kuroo looked. Broken and depressed. That said more than words ever could because, once upon a time, that was Tsukishima.

"Kuroo-san..." Hinata's expression was uncharacteristically sombre as Kuroo silently pushed his phone back into his hand.

The man moved to Tsukishima as if he were a ghost - his movements as floaty and as untethered as his thoughts were. The blonde said nothing as he watched violently shaking hands sign " _Thank you._ "

Tsukishma stared at him for a long moment as Kuroo ambled towards the door, the others moving out of the way for him. Tsukishima felt an ache in his chest as he watched him round the corner into the hallway. Before he'd even registered it himself, a surge of empathy had him catching Kuroo by the arm as he gripped the door handle. "Kuroo-san,"

The blank stare that met him was painfully familiar.

"I'll drive you home."

Kuroo seemed to come back into himself, if only for a moment, and shook his head. "No, I couldn't-"

"I'm not asking." One hand on Kuroo's arm, Tsukishima pulled his shoes on and grabbed his keys from the hallway table before he pulled Kuroo to the car.

Kuroo let himself be manoeuvred into the passenger seat, gaze vacant as he retreated into himself again.

Tsukishima started the car but didn't pull away from the house just yet. He put a hand on Kuroo's thigh to get his attention. When he was younger, Tsukishima detested physical contact from others. After his accident, he had to get used to it being a norm for helping him communicate. "If you need to unload, I'm a good listener." He offered Kuroo a small smile, that he thankfully seemed to respond to, before he flicked on the radio quietly.

Kuroo barely mulled on Tsukishima's offer of a private yet safe space to spill his innermost secrets before his face was buried in his hands. His face twisted with each clench of his broken heart as thick warm tears spilled down his cheeks and over his hand, hearing nothing but his own heaving breaths and barely contained sobs over the quiet music. He wished nothing more than to hear the sound of rain.

_Because wasn't it meant to rain when somebody died?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and your continued support!!


	5. The Room Where It Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo and Tsukishima both experience heart breaks and come to each others' rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm mean >.< Hope you enjoy!!

Kuroo couldn't recall the trip from his car to his doorstep, or how Tsukishima actually managed to get his flat open, too preoccupied with the heaviness of his bloodshot eyes, the ringing in his ears, and the dull ache in his chest.

Kuroo numbly went through the motions of sliding his shoes off and maneuvering his way into the living room before letting his body fall like dead weight, with the intent to collapse on the couch in a pile of fully deserved self pity.

Instead, hands catching him by his upper arms kept him from his worn couch. Kuroo didn't even have the strength for any form of protest and let Tsukishima push and pull him through the house. He recognised the ratty carpet that lined his floor underfoot and didn't register he was falling until he hit the bed. Kuroo laid there for a moment before he crawled up to his pillow and clutched it like it was his only lifeline.

Tsukishima returned after a moment of rifling around in Kuroo's cupboard and covered Kuroo in his weighted blanket that he only used for when his anxiety and depression were really bad. He glanced up at Tsukishima, mind distantly quizzical about why... No. As to _how_ Tsukishima knew to opt for this blanket instead of the one on his bed.

The blonde was unaware of Kuroo's gaze as he wrapped the man up in the blanket before disappearing out the doorway. Curling tighter into himself, Kuroo buried his face in his pillow as his fingers wrapped in the fabric, jaw clenched as a fresh wave of sorrow cascaded over him. Tsukishima returned shortly with a variety of snacks labelled 'Kuroo', assuming they were things he would enjoy, and a glass of water. He placed them down on the bed side table before pausing.

Kuroo felt hyper aware of the man standing over him and, as a result, curled tighter into himself. It was one thing to cry around Tsukishima when the man was wholly focused on something else. Having that focus on him made Kuroo burn with shame and embarrassment. He felt the man shift his weight from foot to foot and felt warmth draw closer. Kuroo tensed further, barely suppressing the urge to flinch when Tsukishima's fingers gently and briefly carded through Kuroo's hair. The action was almost instantly calming and Kuroo realised, despite his embarrassment, he didn't want to be alone right now. He couldn't be.

Which is why the feeling of Tsukishima's hand leaving him had cold fear rushing in where warmth had occupied. Kuroo's fingers snagged the man's thick knit jumper. "Please don't leave," he whispered, even though he knew his plea was falling on deaf ears.

Tsukishima gently untangled Kuroo's fingers from his jumper and tucked him back in. "Sleep. I'll still be here."

Kuroo watched his back retreat out the doorway before he was encased in darkness as the door shut behind the man. Another wave of sorrow struck him through the chest and Kuroo bit his lip till it threatened to bleed as he quietly cried himself to sleep.

***

Tsukishima cast a glance at the door before softly sighing. Wandering into the kitchen he texted Suna to cancel their dinner plans. Kuroo was virtually a stranger, Tsukishima had no obligation to stay or help him at all. And normally he wouldn't. But Kuroo? He looked so much like Tsukishima had, and the blonde just couldn't ignore that. And that's how Tsukishima found himself in Kuroo's kitchen, texting Oikawa to find out the man's favourite food.

**From: Oikawa**

_!!!_

_Oho! Kei-chan??_

_Getting along_ that _well with Tetsu huh?_

_;)))_

_Gotta prove those husband skills!_

_Get them ins! I'm rooting for you!_

Tsukishima rolled his eyes at the onslaught of texts from the vocalist.

**To: Oikawa**

_He's not feeling well._

**From: Oikawa**

_Hey, this is Iwaizumi_

_The nerd's boyf and Tetsurou's flatmate_

_Whassup?_

**To: Oikawa**

_He's feeling down._

_Not really my place to share._

_What's his favourite food?_

_Pls._

**From: Oikawa**

_Salt pike mackerel._

_Is he okay? I can catch the next train in if you need to go and he needs looking after._

Tsukishima's lips quirked upwards. At least Kuroo had good friends. Those were hard to come by.

**To: Oikawa**

_That's okay. Thx Iwaizumi-san._

**To: Suna**

_Hey, something's come up with Kuroo-san_

_Can we reschedule?_

**From: Suna**

_Yeah moonshine that's fine_

_Everything ok?_

**To: Suna**

_Yeah, he just needs some company_

_You know how it is_

**From: Suna**

_Ohhh_

_Ic ic, yeah no you take care of him_

_I'll c u tmw_

**To: Suna**

_Ty ty_

**From: Suna**

_Gn Tsukki_

Tsukishima tucked his phone into his pocket and went about finding the ingredients needed. In the end, he had mackerel and not much else, so he just googled the next best mackerel comfort food the internet had to offer.

_***_

Kuroo woke to the smell of mackerel with a throbbing headache. Blinking blearily he looked around and located the glass of water Tsukishima had mercifully and pre-emptively given him. Sitting up, Kuroo drank that water like a dying man in a desert. He fumbled with the glass as he put it down, wrapping the blankets around his shoulders again.

Gripping it tightly, he looked around at the darkened yet familiar surroundings of his bedroom, wondering whether to go out and see what was cooking (and who was cooking) or if he just tried to go back to sleep. The loud growl from his stomach made the decision for him.

Kuroo poked his head out first, looking around to see if anyone was in the hallway, before he trudged out, bringing his blanket with him. The smell of mackerel was strong and Kuroo was practically drooling.

He'd forgotten how draining crying was. Each slow and heavy step took him closer to the kitchen and the living room, and with each step the sound of music grew louder. Kuroo could just make out quiet singing.

_Is Iwaizumi home?_

Kuroo stopped suddenly when he entered the living room, looking over the bench that separated the kitchen and the living room, at the back of a certain tall blonde. _Tsukishima-san._ His voice was soft and as rough around the edges as when he spoke. The only difference Kuroo really noted was it was more passionate.

Kuroo really did not peg him for a singer, yet here he was, meandering around Kuroo's kitchen singing I Don't Need Your Love. It wasn't anywhere near as good as Oikawa's or Akaashi's but... Maybe it was also because Kuroo was still feeling very emotional. But Kuroo was nothing short of inexplicably enchanted.

_"You know I love you, boy_

_In every single way_

_Though I love you, boy_

_I'll miss you every day."_

Kuroo had approached the kitchen bench before he'd realised it, attention solely on Tsukishima. Tsukishima... Tsukishima confused him. As Kuroo had dubbed him, Tsukishima came across as this ice prince, aloof and cold. But beyond those walls of stone, Kuroo was being treated to what he guessed was rare moments of kindness. Kuroo knew Tsukishima had dinner plans, yet here he was, making dinner for _him._

Kuroo couldn't help but wonder why Tsukishima was being so nice to him. When he had public anxiety attacks or bouts of severe depression, most people just looked at him with pity or ignored him. Even his own friends. Even Kenm- Kuroo's heart clenched and he shook the thought of the man away. Instead he focused back on Tsukishima's singing. 

_"It's true I'll never be over you_

_'Cause I have built a future in my mind with you_

_And now the hope is gone_

_There's nothing left for me to do."_

Kuroo swayed with the singing, forearms resting on the bench and blanket over his shoulders. His slight smile dropped when Tsukishima's singing stopped abruptly, Kuroo distantly aware of a bowl shattering as he came face to face with blazing amber eyes.

He watched a dark flush explode across Tsukishima's face, his expression tight. Was he mad? Embarrassed? Kuroo knew he was clearly surprised since he didn't know he'd come in only to catch Kuroo staring with his mouth open. At least he hoped his mouth wasn't actually open.

"Um, sorry, I- You're singing is really good-" Kuroo offered hopelessly, trying to dispel the angry frown from between Tsukishima's delicate brows.

To his dismay, all Kuroo got in response was a grunt of acknowledgement. "Here."

Kuroo glanced down at the plate all but shoved in front of him and it was a really nice yet simple mackerel dish. Kuroo's chest tightened. "You shouldn't have," But Tsukishima wasn't looking at him. With a sigh he pulled a chair out and sat, surprised when Tsukishima sat down next to him.

The dark haired man quickly tapped on his phone. ' _I'm sorry for surprising you.'_

Tsukishima's gaze, cool and unreadable, gave Kuroo a slow once over before softly sighing. "It's okay." He cleared his throat. "I'm not a very good singer,"

"Yes you are," Kuroo immediately countered before signing a clumsy " _No."_

Tsukishima shrugged. "I wouldn't know."

Something about the way he said that had Kuroo's heart sinking a little. _That's right._ He sat back slowly, putting his fork down, opting for grabbing his fork. ' _Did you sing often?'_

Tsukishima regarded him carefully before providing a minute nod. "Mm. I was never really any good. But I enjoyed it." He mumbled, gaze fixed on whatever pattern he was tracing into the table. Then, to Kuroo's surprise, he added "Picked it up from my mother." He hadn't expected the man he'd just royally pissed off to offer something about him, something obviously personal if the sadness seeping into the blonde's expression was anything to go by. "It still feels nice to sing."

His voice was barely there, carefully level, but Kuroo caught that sense of loss because he understood all well, how it felt to live your life surrounded by music. To grow up to have music be a _part_ of you, only to be torn asunder. Kuroo placed a hand on Tsukishima's despite the more rational side of his mind cautioning him to not touch him. "Tsukishima-san-"

The man in question abruptly pulled his hand away. "I have to go." Kuroo did his best to keep the traces of hurt and disappointment off his face but something told him he failed. Tsukishima took his phone and entered his number. "You should sleep and let me know how you're doing in the morning." Tsukishima then taught Kuroo one last sign. " _Goodnight Kuroo._ "

Kuroo's expression sank with the weight of Tsukishima's looming departure as he reluctantly copied the sign. " _Goodnight Tsukishima._ "

The night passed filled with much crying and an exhausted Kuroo slept until Iwaizumi woke him at midday the following day. Kuroo popped open his phone and saw the contact **Tsukishima K.** staring him in the face.

He looked at that contact for a long time, thumb hovering over it several times. But not once in those several times did he open it. Kuroo made several more futile attempts across the day but each time he tried, a wave of shame and embarrassment at how the night had ended had him shoving his phone deep into his pocket.

Kuroo had been really touched by Tsukishima looking after him and he was desperate to let the man know, not wanting him to think his efforts went unappreciated. Because they certainly weren't. Kuroo was more grateful for it than he knew how to express.

But he couldn't overcome the anxiety that Tsukishima's contact brought with it. So Kuroo didn't contact Tsukishima that day. Nor would he until their unexpected reunion two weeks later, at Kai Nobuyuki's concert.

***

Two weeks had rolled by since the night at Kuroo's. Tsukishima had definitely been conflicted as to how he left things with the man, but when no text came, he shook it off. The blonde had to move on, ignoring a disappointment he couldn't quite explain, and focus on the bigger problems at hand. Right now, that problem was Kai Nobuyuki's mini concert which was being held at a hotel owned by Tsukishima's estranged father.

He leaned back in the passenger seat, head tipped back as he let out a deep breath, hands unclenching and clenching into tight, nervous fists. He hated being here and if he hadn't been contracted, he probably would have bailed. Suna reached over and pried Tsukishima's fist open before lacing their fingers together and squeezing. When Tsukishima ignored him, gaze still on the car roof, rolling thoughts around his head, Suna reached over and gently turned Tsukishima's head to face him, brushing some of his blonde curls out of his eyes. "Hey." He murmured.

Tsukishima hummed in acknowledgement, picking at his thumb in a really bad nervous habit, as Suna took his hand back.

" _You are going to be okay."_ He signed it with a resolute expression that Tsukishima didn't believe.

 _"How do you know. What if he's here?"_ Tsukishima signed back, movements tense as his nerves gripped him. "Tch." The blonde glared at his hands. " _I_ _can't play like this."_

" _Yes you can. I've seen you play through worse. You will be fine Tsukishima. He won't be there-"_

_"You don't know that Suna."_

Despite signing not having any explicit punctuations like exclamation marks, the look on Tsukishima's face and the grunts of frustration and exasperation let Suna know Tsukishima very much would be yelling at him. Yeah Tsukishima could speak, but he preferred signing, especially with Suna.

The dark hair man raked his fingers through Tsukishima's hair. " _You're right."_ He relented. " _I don't. But even if he is there, you will be safe."_ The distress that washed over Tsukishima's demeanor had Suna clicking his tongue before pulling the blonde over the center console into a protective embrace.

"Can you promise me?" His voice was shaking more than normal as he gripped Suna's shirt.

The older man pulled back. " _The meeting is only 20 minutes then I'll be back as fast as I can to support you."_

" _Promise?"_

Suna held out a pinky that Tsukishima readily hooked his pinky around. "Promise. _Now game face on, you got a show to do. Kai is expecting the fierce Kei, not this meek mess."_ Suna snickered as Tsukishima shoved him but the man had visibly relaxed.

_"I have a heart of stone, I don't cry."_

_"I hope you remember this the next time we watch Dinosaur."_

"Hey! _That movie should be classed as a tragedy."_

Suna chuckled mockingly again. " _Yeah yeah. Now get going. Good luck Kei."_

 _"Thanks Suna, I'll be looking for you in the audience."_ Nerves steeled for now, Tsukishima stepped out of the car before his courage left him. He smoothed down the front of his tuxedo and slung his violin case over his shoulder as he looked up at the looming doors of one of the fanciest hotels the city had to offer before he shook his head and squared his shoulders, standing to his full height. He refused to be made to feel small. With a deep inhale, Tsukishima took long confident strides, waltzing into the building as if he owned it. And technically. He did.

***

Kuroo grabbed a pamphlet on his way in, offering the elderly man handing them out a kind smile. Turning his attention to the paper in his hand, Kuroo grinned at the photo of his friend. Him and Kai had studied piano together and spent many a night practising together and goofing off. They used to be duet partners until Kai decided he wanted to go travelling, a dream which Kuroo had readily supported.

And now Kai was back. Even with a fan base behind him, he still went out of his way to personally invite Kuroo and the man had excitedly accepted. It was a nice reminder that not everyone who leaves his side is going to leave him, and that some friendships don't change or fall apart. And Kuroo was grateful.

He wandered into the hotel room on the ground floor the concert was meant to be held in. It was a large room with high ceilings that would provide stellar acoustics. On the raised platform at the front of the room stood a gleaming black piano that Kuroo had to actively suppress the urge to go and touch. Yeah Kai wouldn't mind but it was an unspoken rule that you don't touch the instrument to be used at a show in the presence of the person's audience.

Kuroo found a seat in the front that was reserved for him and got comfy, reading through the rest of the pamphlet. It outlined Kai's performance lineup - what he'd be playing, how long the pieces were, when the intermission would be, etc.

The pieces were complex but classic Kai. What caught Kuroo's eye was the piece before the intermission and the one before the finale had a "mystery accompanist." Kuroo snorted. Oh Kai and his dramatics. A quick Google search informed Kuroo that the accompanist would be a violinist and the man froze.

Apprehension settled in his chest and he had to take a deep breath to remind himself his lungs hadn't suddenly failed him. _No way. No. It's not going to be him._ Kuroo didn't think he could handle the awkwardness if it _was_ him. _The odds of it being him out of all the professional and semi professional violinists Kai could know..._ Kuroo crossed his arms and shook his head. _No way._ His eyes flicked open as he chewed on his lip. _And yet..._ "No." Kuroo huffed. The likelihood that this man who played with two of his friends already would play with another of Kuroo's friends? "No way." 

_But what if._

Kuroo stood abruptly. Those what ifs would not _stop_. Sure it wouldn't be the worst thing ever if it was Tsukishima playing. In fact Kuroo was partial _to_ Tsukishima's playing - the man was incredible. But Kuroo had an aversion to awkward situations and humiliation and he'd just gotten past his embarrassment over what happened. His stomach twisted uncomfortably and Kuroo found himself trying to find the bathroom, actively ignoring the part of himself that was _excited_ at the prospect of it being Tsukishima.

***

"This place is a fucking labyrinth." Kuroo muttered under his breath. Doing a full 360, Kuroo couldn't tell where he needed to go or, worse yet, how to get back to the main room. "Fuck's sake." He sighed, checking his watch. Kuroo huffed a sigh of mild relief. He still had 20 minutes till the concert started. Wandering down yet another hallway in an attempt to get himself un-lost, as his mind put it, Kuroo heard an all too familiar and distinct voice ring down the labyrinth.

"Dad." It was tight with what Kuroo recognised as barely constrained anger yet cautious. "Give me back my violin."

Kuroo knew he should walk away, leave it be, keep his nose out of the man's business and let sleeping dogs lie. But what Kuroo wanted to do and what he actually ended up doing rarely ever lined up and he found himself running to Tsukishima.

He stopped just past a slightly opened door and quietly backtracked. _Great. I'm here now, now what?_ Kuroo cursed his inability to plan things through sometimes. He gripped the door handle only to release it as if burned when Tsukishima's voice rang out again.

"Dad! Put. It. Down." Anger. Panic.

Once again, against his better judgement, Kuroo moved to peer inside the room. There was Tsukishima donning an all black suit, that he looked sinfully stunning in, arm outstretched and palm open expectantly. His expression though... _If looks could kill._ Kuroo moved to see the other person in the room and his eyes widened.

Even if Kuroo hadn't heard Tsukishima refer to the other man as his dad, Kuroo would have known. They looked near identical. The only differences were the man looked older, his body more filled out than Tsukishima's. Kuroo noted with surprise that Tsukishima was actually taller than the man. Kuroo knew he himself was tall but he'd never outgrown his father. Literally and figuratively.

Shuffling further, Kuroo's blood suddenly ran cold. The man was holding Tsukishima's violin around its neck in a white knuckled fist.

"You should have just listened to me Kei." The man was soft spoken but hard. Decisive. "Your mother misses you. Just, drop all this," Kuroo didn't miss the panic in Tsukishima's face as the man aggressively shook the instrument. "And you can come home."

Kuroo frowned. He knew Tsukishima couldn't hear a word the man was saying yet he didn't see any signing from either side. That probably attributed to Tsukishima's anxious demeanor. Not being able to understand why someone was doing something.

"Dad please," Tsukishima's voice wavered, dripping with desperation now instead of anger. "Please give it back," he whispered.

"Kei don't be like this. Stop being so obtuse."

"Dad, _please_."

The man sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose, and Kuroo watched something click in Tsukishima's mind. He jumped as he watched Tsukishima lunge at his father, swiping at the violin. Kuroo watched as Tsukishima's fingers brushed the instrument before he was shoved back hand enough to lose his footing. He winced as Tsukishima landed on his back, a winded gasp leaving him. "Enough Kei!"

Tsukishima rolled onto his side, gasping raggedly as he tried to get his lungs to cooperate with him.

"This ends now. Grow. Up."

Kuroo froze, the man's voice colder than anything Kuroo had ever experienced before. _Guess that's where Tsukishima gets it from._

"No!"

Kuroo's train of thought vanished as he watched the man discard the instrument with an excessive amount of force. He watched Tsukishima desperately reach for it. He watched it fall just past his grip and he _felt_ it when it splintered. He heard the wood splinter. Heard the string snap.

"No," it was barely above a whisper.

And Kuroo watched as Tsukishima broke too.

***

Tsukishima knelt over his beloved instrument, now splinted in the body and broken at the neck, the angle snapping his meticulously tuned strings. He picked it up, his hands violently shaking. "No," he whispered as the instrument dropped to the floor again.

If you asked Tsukishima what happened next, he would have described it as blacking out.

One moment he was aware of a painful sensation in his chest, the throbbing of his head, his father looming over him then, nothing.

When he came to, his hands ached, his knuckles bloody, and he was being pulled out of the room by... _Kuroo?_

***

"Kei." Kuroo watched Tsukishima senior stand over his son and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Kuroo had expected a lot of things but, Tsukishima grabbing the man's wrist and wheeling around, fist connecting with his jaw so solidly Kuroo had thought it had surely broken, was not one of them.

Tsukishima's father staggered back, holding his face. "GAH! Kei!" He spat only for Tsukishima's fist to catch him just below the eye. Another pained cry left him as his back hit the wall.

Kuroo watched as Tsukishima closed in on his father again, expression murderous. Kuroo sudden fear for the other man's life propelled him into action. He threw the door open and grabbed Tsukishima before his hands could close around his father's throat and crush it's windpipe in his blind rage. "Tsukishima stop!!"

The blonde yelled but no words came out. Only unfiltered agony.

The muscles in Kuroo's arms flexed as he held Tsukishima back long enough for the other man to stagger away further into the room, holding his bleeding face. _It looks worse than it is._ Kuroo reasoned as he watched blood drip between the older man's fingers. _The face is very vascular, bleeds a lot easily._ Kuroo did his best to keep his breath steady, to not let panic consume him because now was not the time.

Kuroo let Tsukishima go long enough to grab the broken violin and his wrist before he hauled him out the room.

Footsteps echoed down the long hallways as the pair ran, Kuroo blindly turning corners, just wanting to get Tsukishima as far away as possible from the room where it happened and that man. Glancing back he saw Tsukishima's expression was concerning blank, eyes glazed over.

Kuroo didn't know how long they ran for until he was suddenly jerked to a stop when Tsukishima's legs gave out under him and his knees hit the ground with an undignified thud. Kuroo looked around frantically but, as the adrenaline ebbed away, he realised he didn't recognise the hallways he was in now. While it meant they were probably more lost, it meant that the Tsukishimas were far enough apart that neither was at risk of hurting the others.

Tsukishima tugged his wrist free. Kuroo watched him examine his bloodied knuckles, gingerly touching them and minutely wincing at the grazes in his skin. Despite the sting, Tsukishima kept touching them, pressing harder and harder each time until Kuroo had to grab his wrists to make him stop. Tsukishima finally looked at the man properly. His tanned skin was flushed, brow deeply furrowed, and his gold eyes swirling with emotions, namely concern. His gaze slipped to Kuroo's lips, attempting to read them, but something was obscuring his vision.

Kuroo reached up and gently took Tsukishima's glasses off before wiping the tear that rolled down his cheek.

Tsukishima touched his face where Kuroo had, surprised to find it was wet. He didn't feel like he was crying. He... He didn't feel anything. And yet, he was feeling everything. A mess of emotions he couldn't tease apart had him feeling distressed and dissociated. "Kuroo-san," he looked up at the man who was close enough for his face to not be blurry. "I... I'm sorry, I-"

"Ahem."

The pair on the floor jumped as someone cleared their throat, heads snapping over to look at the newcomer. Kuroo practically slumped in relief at the smiling yet concerned face that greeted him. "Kai," The man looked just like Kuroo remembered him. Same perpetual small smile, same short hair, same standard black suit. He looked good.

"Hey Tetsurou." He grabbed the man's hand and helped him get Tsukishima to his feet. "Are you okay?" he asked as Kuroo wrapped an arm around Tsukishima's waist to keep him up.

Tsukishima shook his head in response to the man's expression, leaning heavily against Kuroo. He was emotionally and physically exhausted.

Kai frowned. "What happened?"

Kuroo held up Tsukishima's violin and nodded at Kai's sharp intake of breath. "Yeah."

"How'd it happen?"

Kuroo glanced at Tsukishima before he answered. "Not my place to say. Sorry man."

He nodded, forever understanding. "That's okay. Tsukishima-san." He placed a hand on the man's upper arm to get his attention before speaking slowly, giving the man ample time to read his lips. "You should go home." When there was no response other than Tsukishima squinting, Kuroo quickly put Tsukishima's glasses back on his face.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly as Kai lightly chuckled.

"Go home Tsukishima-san."

"No, I should- I can play with another violin," Though it was obvious that was a lie. While he _could_ , he didn't want to.

"No it's okay. Go home. You'll still get paid."

Tsukishima stiffened. "I don't take charity."

Kai smiled goodnaturedly. "Then treat it as an early payment for the next time I need a violinist."

Tsukishima was quiet for a moment before nodding. "Thank you."

Kai then turned to Kuroo. "Could you take him home? I would but," he shrugged.

Kuroo frowned slightly, conflicted. "Are you sure? I do want to watch you play, it's been so long," but another glance at Tsukishima conveyed his question.

Kai nodded. "I'll just stick around longer and plan another show you can come watch and maybe we'll bust out the old duets again." He offered with a smile.

Kuroo nodded, replying with a smile of his own. "I'd like that."

Kai clapped Kuroo on the shoulder. "Good man. Now, get him home safely and text me when you're-"

Footsteps running down the hallway towards them cut him off. They all watched the corner of the hallway as the steps got louder until a vaguely familiar figure skidded around the corner. "Kei!"

Kuroo jostled Tsukishima gently until the blonde lifted his gaze.

Amber eyes widened with palpable relief. "Suna,"

The man slowed to a stop in front of them, taking a brief moment to glare at Kuroo and the arm around Tsukishima's waist. " _Are you okay?"_

Kuroo reflexively tightened his grip around Tsukishima's waist until the blonde stepped away from him and into the other man's space. " _Just take me home."_

Suna nodded before looking at the other two pianists. He gave them a polite but stiff nod. "Thanks for taking care of him." he murmured before the pair wandered off, Suna gently running his fingers up and down Tsukishima's back.

They had disappeared around the corner before Kuroo remembered he had Tsukishima's violin. Or well, what remained of it. Sensing his internal conflict, Kai just nudged Kuroo's shoulder with his own. "Might as well hold on it. I don't think he needs a reminder of whatever happened."

"Yeah." He hummed. "So, I guess I'm sticking around." Kuroo offered his signature grin but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

If Kai noticed, he didn't comment, slapping Kuroo on the back. "Then let's get this party started." He lead Kuroo back to the main room and the show went off without another hitch.

But in all the time his friend was playing, Kuroo couldn't keep his mind off the broken black and gold violin in his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna say a thank you to all of you for supporting this story!! 
> 
> I also love receiving your kudos, reading your comments and knowing people are looking forward to the updates and are as invested in this story as I am!
> 
> Thank you all for reading and hope you enjoyed this chapter!! Until next time!


	6. I Love You Like...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Try as I might to keep it together  
> Why is recovery taking forever  
> Fool the whole world, just until I get better  
> I'm terrified I'll be faking forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: My experiences with panic attacks and mentioned character death.
> 
> Thank you for your hits, kudos and comments! They feed the fire that is my creativity!
> 
> Enjoy!!

Tsukishima stumbled through the door, catching himself from falling by leaning heavily against the wall. He brushed away Suna's hands that fussed over him as he toed his shoes off. "Call 'Dashi," was all that was mumbled before the man beelined towards the bathroom.

Suna watched the bathroom door all but slam behind him before he sent a reluctant text off to Yamaguchi. He knew that the pair were friends since practically diapers and he knew Yamaguchi was pretty much married to Yacchan at this point, Suna _knew_ all this and yet... As he typed the text to Yamaguchi, telling him to come check up on Tsukishima when he was free, Suna felt jealous. Jealous of that bastard with the typhoon-rooster hair for having his arms around Tsukishima, jealous at Yamaguchi always being Tsukishima's go to despite how close they'd gotten. Jealous anytime he was reminded that Tsukishima was _not_ his.

_O' beware of jealousy, my lord! It's a green-eyed monster that makes fun of the victims it devours._

The words from his year 11 English studies of Shakespeare's Othello rung clearly in his head. The man sighed and raked his fingers through his soft black hair. He didn't _want_ to be jealous, but he couldn't help it. Tsukishima was his moon - there for him day and night. He wanted to be that for his friend. He wanted to be the person Tsukishima could wholly put his trust in. Suna had tried before, but Tsukishima would always brush him off.

The shorter male chewed on his lower lip thoughtfully as he eyed the bathroom door. Maybe... Maybe he should try again today. The man was _hurting_ and Suna was right there, waiting to help him if only Tsukishima would let him in. 

_But maybe that's the problem._

Suna began taking slow steps towards the bathroom. Maybe what Tsukishima needed wasn't someone who would wait until he let them in, but someone who would break down the enormous walls that time had built. 

His steps became more resolute and suddenly the bathroom door handle was in his grasp. _I'm here for you Kei._ He whispered, " _Please_ let me in."

***

The bathroom door had all but slammed behind Tsukishima, the room spinning before he caught himself with one hand on the wall, the other hand on his thigh to brace himself. His skin was clammy, his hands cold and Tsukishima could feel the sweat beading on his hairline. _What is wrong with me?_

_"Aki-nii! Aki-nii! Look!"_

_"Whoa Kei! What is that??" The elder sibling asked excitedly despite knowing the answer to his own question._

_Kei proudly held up a bright and shiny wooden violin to him. "Tada!!"_

_"Wow when d'ya get that!?"_

_"Mumma got it for me!"_

_"Play me something?" Akiteru listened as Kei butchered his way through twinkle twinkle little star. He snickered as Kei scowled._

_"Hey! Don't laugh!" He huffed, face burning a bright red. "I'm still learning! Just you wait, one day I'll be so good! I'll surpass you_ and _mum in music!"_

_"Ohoho!" Akiteru snickered, leaning into his space. "Some bold claims Kei! I'm gonna hold you to it!"_

_"You're on Aki-nii!"_

Tsukishima pressed his back against the wall, softly hissing at how cold it felt compared to his burning skin. He roughly dumped his glasses next to the sink and all but tore his tie off. He threw it to the ground with a growl before he felt the familiar pricking sensation behind his eyes. Tsukishima pressed his palms to his eyes, breathing haggardly as white flashed behind his eyelids. _What is wrong with me!?_

_"Kei! Be reasonable,"_

_Kei narrowed his eyes at his brother, resisting the urge to roll them as his grip on the steering wheel tightened. "No. Aki." He snapped. "If anyone's_ not _being reasonable, it's him!"_

_"Kei," Akiteru groaned, sitting back in his seat and pinching the bridge of his nose._

_"Don't give me that." Kei was irate. He was well aware that he inherited his father's stubbornness but he hated being subjected to it. "I refuse to let him bully me into the family business or some other boring white colour job like he did you." He snapped. Kei was fully aware he'd crossed the line, Akiteru's face reflecting as such._

_His brother's voice was soft and cracked around his name. "Kei,"_

_"Tch." Tsukishima clicked his tongue as his nails dug into the material of the steering wheel._

_"That's not fair,"_

_"He's not being fair! Aki-nii please understand, I want to do music. I_ need _to. It's the only time I feel anything! A sense of calm, a sense of belonging, purpose, excitement. I play because I can't live without it, not because it's some hobby."_

_Akiteru placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as Kei let out a pitiful laugh._

_"And I'm_ really _good at it Aki. Please," He glanced helplessly at his brother. "You've got to help me convince dad,"_

_"I... I don't know Kei-"_

_"Are you serious right now!?" Kei's head snapped to face him, watching Akiteru throw his hands up._

_"Yes!" He yelled incredulously. "Dad's not going to budge and you'll break mum's heart,"_

_"What about my heart!? Akiteru_ please _," he begged. "Please help me convince him otherwise,"_

_"Kei,"_

_"I can't do anything else for the rest of my life,"_

_"Kei."_

_"I won't do anything else for the rest of my life," His voice grew louder._

_"Kei!"_

_"No Akit-"_

_Kei nearly jumped out of his skin as a horn blared._

_"CAR!"_

A heavy shudder wracked his lithe frame and Tsukishima practically ripped off his suit jacket and shirt. Goosebumps exploded across his skin. He felt too hot. Too cold. Stumbling out of his pants, he almost tripped into the bathtub, still wearing his socks and underwear. Tsukishima grappled blindly with the knobs for the shower and suddenly he was being blasted with water that would've felt scalding if he was in his right mind.

Tsukishima curled up on the bathtub floor as hot water rained down on him, tremors and shudders still ripping through him. He tugged painfully at his wet hair. He wanted to cry. To scream. But nothing came out. Tsukishima curled up tighter, wrapping his arms around himself as he hyperventilated. His eyes were blown wide, eyes vacant, expression panicked, as his nails dug into his upper arms. They pressed harder and harder until Tuskishima could faintly smell iron, the water disappearing down the plug hole tinged red.

Suddenly, Tsukishima felt as if all the fight had left his body. He felt so _cold_ despite his skin burning to the touch and being submerged in hot water. His limbs suddenly felt weak, too heavy and disembodied. Tsukishima's hands slid off and he laid there, feeling like a puppet whose strings had been severed. Curling up further, Tsukishima was able to cover his head with his arms, forehead pressed to his knees. Trembling lips silently whispered, "What's wrong with me?"

_The lights were too bright to be anything in the Tsukishima household, and the younger Tsukishima sibling had a pounding headache along with an unrelenting ringing in his ears._

_Tsukishima tried to sit up but a searing pain in his torso and lower limbs had him remaining lying on the bed in agony. Cracking his eyes open again, Tsukishima looked around at the room beyond the lights, and what he saw had his blonde running cold._

A.... hospital?

_He jumped at a delicate hand on his thigh and saw his mother's blurry face. "Mum? What am I doing here?"_

_Her lips moved, but Tsukishima heard nothing._

_His heart rate spiked as he rubbed his ears with bandaged hands. "Mum. Mum! I-I can't hear you, I can't- what?" He could feel he was speaking, could feel the panic and distress in his voice but he wasn't sure if he was actually hearing his voice, or if it was just his voice in his head. "Mum what happened?" Bandaged fingers scrabbled at his ears, fear in his eyes as he stared helplessly at his mother, silently begging her to do something, say anything. "Please!"_

_Her lips continued to move but Tsukishima heard nothing, tears openly streaking down his face, obscuring his vision further. "Mum!" He was_ so _scared. "Please help me,"_

_But she wouldn't look at him._

_"Mum? Wh-Where is Akiteru?"_ _But no sooner had his name left his lips, Tsukishima watched his mother collapse into herself in hysteric yet silent tears._

_Tsukishima reached out for her but she shoved a package into his arms and practically fled the room._

_Tsukishima felt like he couldn't breathe as he stared at the gift wrap box. With trembling fingers he opened the card, heart sinking and blood running cold. He had to bring it close to his face since his glasses were missing. He squinted at it and it read:_

_Happy 21st Kei!!_ (*≧▽≦)/

_I know things have been really hard lately but I want you to know I will always_ _love you_ _( >^_^)><(^_^<)_

_I know it may not always seem it, but I am always on your side_

_Your best bro_

_Akiteru (Aki-nii)_ °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

_Tsukishima's eyes burned with unshed tears. His shaking hands felt weak as they tried to tear open the package. Tsukishima's chest tightened and he felt like part of him had died. There on his lap was the most beautiful violin Kei had ever seen. It was midnight black, shiny and sleek, with stunning and intricate gold etchings in the wood. He carefully picked it up, turning it in his hands and there, on the back of its neck, was his name engraved in gold._

_Tsukishima doubled over, clutching the instrument to his chest as he wailed. Kei was deaf, Akiteru was dead, and it was all his fault._

A surprised cry finally tore from Tsukishima's vocal cords when unexpected hands were on him. They reached under his armpits and pulled him out of the bathtub and the person collapsed on the floor with them. The silence was deafening even though Tsukishima was aware of the feeling of his voice yelling, aware of the lips moving of the other person. It took him longer than he'd care to admit to realise he had collapsed to a pile on the floor on top of Suna.

Tsukishima felt his lips tremble. "Suna," 

Tsukishima could see the relief spreading through Suna when he calmed down. He let himself be handled so he was curled up on Suna's lap. The shorter man pressed his lips to Tsukishima's wet hair, murmuring what Tsukishima could only assume were comforting nothings as those strong, warm arms encircled him.

The blonde clutched Suna's shirt, feeling like he would start crying any second, yet no tears fell. "Suna," he croaked, bloodshot eyes gazing up at the very and rightfully concerned face of his friend. "Help me,"

Suna's lips moved but Tsukishima's mind was in no shape to try and read them.

"I-I feel like I'm drowning," the blonde choked out. "I- everything feels wrong, _I_ feel wrong, I-" He clutched Suna's shirt tightly, threatening to rip the fabric as he curled up tighter, forehead pressed against the man's warm chest. "Make it stop," he begged.

Tsukishima's head was tilted up by Suna, a fond hand caressing his hair, his cheek. Suna's thumb briefly stroked Tsukishima's lips and suddenly it felt as if his breath had been stolen when Suna's lips pressed to his. His eyes snapped open wide as he recoiled. "Suna!? No- what're you-?" His wrist was caught in a firm yet gentle embrace by Suna, his other hand on the small of Tsukishima's back, both used to bring the blonde closer.

Suna's lips were on his again, though not quite kissing him. Instead Tsukishima felt his lips move as he spoke. " _Let me help you Kei. Please._ " His heart ached at the feeling of Tsukishima trembling on his lap. 

Tsukishima pulled back, but not as far as he had just now. "I don't want to ruin our friendship Suna,"

The man let go of Tsukishima to sign. " _It won't. I promise. I care for you Kei, more than you'll ever know. Let me help you,_ " Suna briefly paused to stroke Tsukishima's cheek again. " _Let me love you._ "

Tsukishima wasn't going to lie. He was scared and uncomfortable. By the suddenness of the kiss. The confession. Tsukishima cared for Suna too, that was undeniable. They had been there for each other through so many amazing highs and horrible lows that he was scared to jeopardize their friendship. He couldn't bear the idea of them not working out and losing Suna or hurting him. _"I... I don't know Suna._ "

" _Please Kei._ "

" _I don't want to hurt you or lose you._ "

" _Kei._ " Suna gently stroked his cheek. " _You will never lose me._ "

" _Promise?_ "

Suna hooked his pinky around Tsukishima's. "Promise." Using the grip on his pinky, Suna lightly tugged his hand closer as he leaned in.

"Why do you love me?" He whispered.

"Huh?"

Tsukishima repeated his question after reading his face. Tears pricked his eyes, threatening to fall. "Why do you love me?"

"Oh, Oh Kei," Suna gently stroked his face as he sat back. " _What isn't there to love about you?_ "

" _So much._ "

" _No Kei. There is_ so _much to love about you. You are the most talented musician I have_ _ever_ _met. You don't just play, you take your audience on an incredible journey. You are so smart too, and I love how passionate you are about dinosaurs and palaeontology."_ He grinned as Tsukishima huffed out a quiet laugh, curling into Suna. 

" _Oh, so you like my nerdiness?_ "

Suna gave him an honest smile. " _I love it Kei._ "

" _What else do you love about me?_ "

" _I love your wit. It's sharp, dangerous, exciting. You're forever keeping me on my toes. And I love how beautiful you are. The way you embrace your height and the way your legs go on for days,_ "

Tsukishima shivered as Suna's hands trailed up his thighs. 

" _They are gorgeous. Your pale skin glows in the moonlight and in the spotlight. You're perfect._ "

" _Do you really think so?_ "

" _Kei, angel. I know so. And Tsukishima Kei, you saved me. I was practically breaking down death's door when we met and now here I am, feeling more alive than ever. Let me be there for you like you were for me._ "

Tsukishima closed his eyes and held his breath as Suna cradled his head, winding his fingers in his wet blonde locks. He was tense with nervous excitement. They were really doing this. 

" _Kei,_ " he felt traced on the bare skin of his back. Tsukishima didn't move and Suna took it as his cue to continue. " _Will you be my boyfriend?_ " 

Tsukishima's lips quirked upwards. "Yes."

No sooner had the word left his lips, Suna's lips were on his, kissing him deeply and passionately. Suna trailed his fingers up Tsukishima's arms before guiding them around his neck. Tsukishima wound his fingers in the ends of Suna's hair as Suna wrapped an around his waist, the other cradling the back of his head.

Tsukishima felt like he was floating as Suna pulled him closer. The man holding him tighter and soon he was kissing him like his life depended on. And Tsukishima couldn't help but follow suit.

At this moment, Suna was Tsukishima's lifeline that he was clinging to. He felt safe and grounded, because this was his trusted Suna. And Suna would never hurt him.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you or your continued support! Don't forget to check out some of my other works!


End file.
